Oh man – today have been one heck of a trial in my quest for inner peace and positivity. Ever since I have gotten this job I have battled with my perceived expectations and the realities of this gig. 20 years ago, having your own morning radio gig was a real accomplishment. Today, it is just another job. While, it is a job I love doing, it is a constant battle within myself to only see the good and ignore the bad.
My wife and I have always been paycheck to paycheck. I had the misconception that if I got a decent full-time radio gig, I would get those coveted free-bees we always see the jocks getting. “New cars, new bathrooms, new roofs, new closets…” Then, reality set in. I get some decent perks, don’t get me wrong, but most of the really big stuff I really need, don’t come. That stuff goes to the A-Team in town. Ironically, the ones who typically can pay for all of that themselves get it for free. It has been a constant battle for me to deal with. I feel like a little primadonna if I complain about it, because after all, I don’t deserve any of that just because I am in this seat. ANYONE could be in this seat. They get those things because they have popular radio shows and have become staples in this community – and I am just a guy from FL, I get that. So – I have to write to deal with this. I now publish these thoughts to the world, because maybe someone else goes through these things and can get something from my writing.
This is all a greater lesson for me to learn
I must realize that these things I want are not coming to me because there is a greater lesson for me to learn. Maybe I’m supposed to figure out a way on my own. Maybe I was not meant to get this stuff just given to me, because it would not help me to grow. I’m kind of a late bloomer. My own family (my former nuclear family, not my current one) always felt that my parents spoiled me. They did so much for me that my brothers had to do for themselves. They have animosity towards me – even if it is not my fault entirely. This is something I’ve recently learned that I am dealing with. Maybe that’s the greater lesson here.
My Take away from all of this
I needed to think through all of this, I guess. I don’t need handouts. I don’t need anyone to think I’m anything special because I need to get this all for myself, so I can be proud and own it. I do the best I can with what I have each and every day on the air. I play music people like and I say some funny things from time to time, so there is value in that. All the while I am learning how to better myself and provide a different kind of value: self-value. Does that make sense?
Thanks for allowing me to Blather – I feel better now. Try it. Blather in the comments below – we can help each other out.