Just to reiterate, I am writing for myself. Yeah, I could keep it in a journal on a drive that only I have access to, but I am naturally a glutton for  punishment. I also have some illusion that someone will take the time to read these and drop a nugget of good advice. I feel lost. I feel like I cannot see the forest for the trees.

There Is No Heading to This Paragraph

I’m the goof. I’m the clown. You need a quick joke – I’m your guy. I’m not the guy who can tweet wisdom and get likes and retweets. As a matter of fact, when I do tweet, even if I think it seems deep, nobody gives a shit. The fact is I’m a clown on a small radio station – and people listen to that for the music and not for my silly quips. I get that now. I am also cognizant of the fact that people close to me don’t care that I want to make a movie. I’ve “made movies” before and they have donated. Nobody has much faith in my skills to think that investing in a project I am putting my heart and soul into is worth it. It is a sobering thought and I have pondered its significance for a while.

I teeter back and forth between throwing in the towel and being a silent suburban automaton and actually “burning my ships” and going for it. I’ll mow my lawn twice per week; I’ll run out to get the mail moments after I hear the familiar groan of the mail truck; my garbage will be out on Wednesday evening, ready for an early Thursday morning pickup (unless there is a holiday that week – then we shift that to Thursday evening and Friday morning). Bored yet? NO? Great! It’s not a bad existence if that is what you want. It’s a trap, though. Humans were not designed for such a life. We were destined to appreciate the finer things in life. I don’t mean yachts and private jets or sports cars either. I mean love, friendship, joy, happiness, freedom of spirit. I mean the lack of real stress. Throw a rock and you will hit a guy or girl who has made millions telling people how they climbed out of their pit of debt and desperation. Imagine a life where you have your bills paid (or you don’t even have bills!). A life where, when you wake up, you can decide which adventure you’d like. How do you get there? I know the answer is slapping me in the face, but I am so numb from all the slapping, I cannot feel it. Kind of like not seeing the forest for the trees.

Being Creative Sucks

I think in pictures. I think in story. I think in terms of emotions. Logic is my enemy. I go with the gut so often and I never learn. I see a creative goal that I wish to achieve and I strive to achieve it. I have fallen flat so many times I’ve lost count, but I still try. This is to my detriment, unfortunately.

Holy Crap I Need To Write That As A Movie!

Easier said than done. I have creative ADD mixed with procrastination and pepper in some impatience laced with self-confidence issues. Yes, I am a God awful mess. I have had some glorious moments in the past, creatively, though they were so long ago, I cannot remember them. I think they were mostly musical – back when that was where my heart was.

It Started With A Stratocaster

When I was 18 my life drastically changed. Why? I followed my heart, unfortunately. Needless to say it changed and I had to continue down the path of wayward creation. My pal Denny and I started playing music together. I had a nice guitar and a crappy amp. He had a crappy drum set (it was mine, actually) but he was pretty good. He got great. Greater than great, actually. If you were to ask anyone from those days about Denny’s drum prowess, you would get a voluminous response. The kid has skills and he progressed exponentially. I was a self-taught (save for a few lessons) guitarist and what I lacked in technique I made up for in heart. We ended up playing some very interesting music together and I am proud of those days. Had I stuck with it, I am sure I would be a pretty damn good guitar player now. But….creative ADD strikes again!!

Is Blaming My Flakiness on Creativity a Cop-out?

Yes, yes it is. Unfortunately, it is also a golden rule for me. I’ve allowed my emotions to make decisions for me since I was 18 (maybe even earlier). Those decisions have proved to be about 50/50 successful. I guess that’s not bad for me. Thankfully, I have an understanding and loving family. I am referring to my parents and my two brothers, who have bailed me out of so many ‘tight spots’, that I cannot ask again. Also, I am 44 and should be able to bail others out of their tight spots. This is not the case, unfortunately.

This brings me to the present day. I often have my fingers in a handful of really cool and exciting projects, none of which materialize for a multitude of reasons. The main and most painful reason is that I am probably not talented enough to actually do them. Case in Point: “That is a great story, it would make a fantastic movie!”. I say this on so many occasions. I have notes and notes of the beginnings of great stories, no endings. Most don’t even have a middle. I guess that is why I’ve only ever completed short films. They all have surprise and abrupt endings too! Why? My ADD kicked in at some point and I devised a way to finish the script quickly.

I didn’t intend on this Blathering to be a Fitz-bashing.

But that’s how it ended up. I have had a tumultuous relationship with my wife and children since day one. My kids don’t know the difference, my daughter has all of my creative ADD, and I am excited and sorry for her at the same time. I have driven my wife mad over the years. That’s an understatement. Sometimes I think that the life I am living now is kind of like Jacobs’ Ladder. (Spoiler) this whole life is me on my deathbed because my wife murdered me in my sleep. I wouldn’t blame her. I am quite impressed that she has not covered my face with a pillow yet! I am pretty difficult to live with. I have few handy skills, even though my family is chock full of carpenters and contractors who can build you anything you want. Because of my ADD I can start projects and then get overwhelmed and move onto something that is more fulfilling. I’ve gotten better. I complete most home-related tasks these days.

If You’ve Made it This Far, You’re My Kind of Friend

Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent. I didn’t get to vent enough, but I should probably stop here. I have a show to do.

-Peace,

Fitz

“Desperation is a stinky cologne” – Chief Grady, Spurbury Police

I pride myself on how I smell. My wife often compliments my lack of odor even after a 30 minute run. You will be happy to learn that I did not plan on blathering about my musk, however I wanted to write about some sage advice I received yesterday after my scribble about optimism. Apparently I am trying so hard to bring about action that I might be pushing it away. I googled this concept and found a plethora of videos that spoke directly to single men about how trying to hard to get a date will most certainly result in the opposite. You’ve seen it, I am sure. Maybe, like me, you have been “that guy (or girl)”! Trying so hard to impress the opposite sex that you actually made sure that he or she would not touch you with a 3.5″ pole (Yes, I did). Looking back, when I finally gave into the translation of the Doris Day mantra of “What will be will be”, things lined up nicely.

Maybe God, Buddha, The Universe or Bob Marley

Whomever you follow, there is one rule: it happens when it happens. I’m not versed in the laws of Bob Marley, but The Universe as an intelligent power will deliver when it wishes and not a moment sooner. It’s similar to the chic restaurant popular with the Rochester upper crust: you get your dinner when they are good and ready to bring it out. You could go to a fast food chain and get it right away, but it is not necessarily better because it’s fast. Unless you really enjoy things that are bad for you. If you are one of those folks, I recommend Taco Bell. 🙂

Thanks to people who actually give a rat’s ass.

I appreciate my friends who took a few minutes to join my journey of catharsis. (Or is that through catharsis?) My determination to both reteach myself to write and stay motivated to improve myself artistically and professionally. I am 44 and I should have done this when I was 24. I started to, but so many things got in the way, like dreams that were not well-planned, distractions that were in liquid or smoke form and women. This was a fun process today because I learned a few things about myself that I already knew but didn’t want to remember. Specifically how much Taco Bell I used to eat and what that did to my digestive system.

Check out Bottom Feeders – my current “trying too hard” over-obsession
[vimeo 222292133 w=640 h=360]

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

When was the last time you decided you were going to accomplish a goal and really had no idea how you were going to accomplish it? Have you ever attempted such a daunting undertaking? It’s one thing to decide to lose 40lbs. or maybe get yourself out of debt. The tools on how to do it are right in front of you. Change your diet, exercise, send out resumes to get a new job, cut your spending, etc. Now, imagine you want to create something out of nothing and you need a shit-ton of money to make it happen, but you don’t have the money to do it and if you tried to save it up yourself you would be neglecting the family you support! Yes, I am talking about this movie again. I cannot stop talking about it because it is my “burning desire”. The biggest problem is we are constantly in a holding pattern for whatever reason. We’re always waiting on someone else. We’re waiting on “connections” to people who might have the means to invest in our film. We decided to finally put together a crowdfunding campaign and solicit friends and family and others for donations, but we are waiting on others for things we need to get it going. I have started working out, running and eating right again so I can get myself back to the healthy state I was in a few years ago. I quit drinking too. this is a big deal for me to do and I plan on sticking to this plan until I can fit into my 34″ waist pants again and not feel like an oaf when I get dressed up in buisiness attire.

I am really struggling to be positive here.

I get it, I really do. People have their own struggles to deal with and they don’t need to help every artist that comes groveling for funds. I know people who say: ‘Just make your movie, I did!” Most of them are in their 20’s, they are single with no kids and were smart about their credit cards. I am starting this journey at 44 years old, with 3 kids, a wife and a mountain of personal debt. Blah blah blah, I know. This doesn’t mean I missed my shot. I refuse to believe that. I go into each day focused on my goal and each day I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything. I have reached out to people for help, only to be brushed aside and not taken seriously. I have tried to ask professional people what they charge for their services, but the majority of them have not replied. There have been a handful of amazing people who have donated their time and expertise to this dream and they will not be forgotten. The others, the ones who don’t have the time for me now, they will want a job from me one day. I’ll be nice and hire them because I’m not a vindictive dick, but I will remind them and hope they change their ways.

Our Target Audience Loves the Teaser

We are making this movie for people our age (late 30’s-late 40’s) who are fans of kevin Smith. We wanted to produce a film that was a throwback to the 90’s indie scene and thumb our nose at the big budget reboots. We posted our teaser in a Facebook group devoted to Kevin Smith fans and they all seemed genuinely interested. Two of our cast members have a direct line to the man himself, so it is not impossible that he sees this and perhaps takes interest. Yes, it is a long shot, but what the heck, I’m not getting any younger.

Ok, I wrote this to make myself feel better. I have to do a radio show now.

Reach out to invest in the movie. At the very least you’ll get your money back and help start a momentum that will pay you dividends for years to come.

[vimeo 222292133 w=640 h=360]

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

The power to focus one’s mind on a singular goal is essential to success. I’ve read this in so many self-help books from Napoleon Hill to Denis Waitley. If I had the power to explode someone’s head, I am not positive I would use it. ( I am also not positive I would NOT use it – so there’s that.) I am pretty sure I have an ADD-ish brain, so my thoughts switch as often as I blink, or close to it anyway. I have been focusing on the $250K that we need to raise to make Bottom Feeders. I’ve visualized friends approaching me, wishing to invest because they know I am a talented guy and I am due. I have visualized Kevin Smith himself catching wind of this movie and offering to put it out as a new View Askew production. I have visualized so many scenarios and none of them are taking shape. I know that the Universe aligns itself with one’s consistent thoughts and positive emotions (at least that is how I understand the Law of Attraction) but I think I need to focus on one scenario. We need $250K to make this film, so we can start momentum and make more films and keep making films in Rochester, NY. I want to start a mentorship program so that others can follow in our footsteps and make filmmaking accessible to anyone. Currently, if you want to make a movie the right way, you need seasoned professionals. Those people have families to feed and they don’t work for free. Some of them have helped me out and I have promised to get this momentum going so they will have more work. I need your help. I need investors. This film is going to be great.

If you want to master the process of meditation, which is key to the success of attracting what you want, you should check out this article.

UPDATE 7-7-19: We have not gotten to 250K but I will admit I have failed in my visualization exercises. We are trying to raise at least 100K now and there is about one week left as of this update. We can still make this movie even if we only reach $30K. Donate here: https://igg.me/at/bottomfeedersmovie/x/100286#/

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

If you take the time to read my daily blatherings, you will discover that I absolutely love the Princess Bride. The story is an allegory for everything in life ever. Hyperbole? Maybe, but I have found so many lessons weaved throughout the story that the author and screenwriter William Goldman is, in my opinion a prophet of biblical proportions.

For those of you NOT familiar with this story (gasp) I will explain – no there is no time, let me sum up: Inigo Montoya spends his entire life (since he was a young boy) searching for the 6 fingered man – who we discover is Count Rugen – Prince Humperdink’s toadie. Inigo studies sword fighting so that when we finally finds the Count, he can dispatch him for the murder of his beloved father, a swordmaker. Spoiler Alert: be it luck, divine intervention or Miracle Max, he finds the Count and kills him. Then he doesn’t know what to do, since revenge was his only goal. He had no plans for after he achieved his life’s quest! Here is where Inigo and I part ways.

What Is Your Freaking Point, Fitz?

I see you are impatient. You have many more posts to like or comment on, so I will try and wrap this up. Inigo Montoya is to Revenge as I am to making my first feature film: BOTTOM FEEDERS But I have a plan for after I make it: MAKE MORE MOVIES! I am not going to give up – even if I don’t know a “money guy” or any “money guys”. Even if I live paycheck to paycheck and work as many jobs as I can to support my family. I have over 1,000 “friends” on Facebook – and if each one of them loaned me $250 I could make this movie. YES! I know that is an insanely simplistic and unrealistic way to look at it, but I am just as dedicated to my goal as Inigo was to slaying his father’s murderer. I even had an idea on how I could make it worth it for the community to help. I will write about that tomorrow. But for now, I am seeking, luck, Divine intervention or maybe even Miracle Max – could that be you? 🙂 

Consider being my Miracle Max. (I’ll Pay You back and then some)

Here is what are film is about:
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Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

I had an interesting weekend. On Saturday, I shot some video with a guy who makes really nice ladders for cats. You can see his products here: http://catladder.com/ After that, I helped my daughter with her cookie/lemonade/bracelet stand in our driveway. The rest of my Saturday was pretty uneventful. Sunday I thought it would be a great idea to go to the Corn Hill Arts Festival in the lovely Corn Hill neighborhood of Rochester. I’ve never gone to this festival and it was chock full of cool things. We met Senator Chuck Schumer, we had delicious food and checked out some art, live music and ran into some good friends. There was one situation that really ruined the near-perfect day for us: An old curmudgeon posing as an artist. He yelled at them then yelled at me – telling me I should “Raise my kids better” or something. I don’t even want to rehash it. I immediately went on social media, calling him out. I’ve since deleted all of the posts and tweets for various reasons. One reason was I don’t want anyone seeing his name. I don’t want anyone knowing he exists. Another reason was I chose this opportunity to teach my kids about forgiveness and ignorance. I explained that we didn’t know what kind of day he’s had. We cannot know what kind of life he’s had for that matter. So although he was quick to judge us, I was not going to do the same. On-air today, I forgave him. He is a nasty old man for whatever reasons and the kids need to learn how to deal with that kind of ignorance and move on. He doesn’t deserve any space in our lives. Also, his art is terrible. 😉

I started running again yesterday. Traditionally, I really abhore running. More to the point ALMOST anything that gets my heart rate up, I’m not a huge fan of. Wink wink, nudge nudge, SAY NO MORE! Anywho – I started running yesterday morning and I ran this morning. I am actually starting to like it. I’m not sure how long it will last, but maybe I will actually get back into good shape – which will really help my self-confidence. I am horribly self-confident and timid, but last year I was in really good shape and this affected everything in my life. I lost that slowly because I fell off the happy truck into the Pit of Despair. But, that is ending.

Have you seen the teaser for our film? We shot a bunch of modified scenes from our film Bottom Feeders and cut them together like a trailer for a movie that was already produced. We’re actively seeking investors who want to be on our team and make a movie. It is a throwback/homage to the dialogue-driven films of Kevin Smith. I posted the teaser in a Facebook Group that is dedicated to Smith and it has been very well received. So, that was a real positive development. If you are interested in learning about the ROI and what we plan on doing with this film, please reach out. Tomorrow, I will write about the Catch-22 of making a movie when you are just starting out.

Today, I am climbing out of the Pit of Despair. My heart is not filled with revenge, nor do a search for my one true love. I just want to be healthy, positive and make a kick ass movie. I reference The Princess Bride (1987) very very often. Probably too often for most people. But that is because I have a passion for movies; specifically comedies. I am not a big horror guy – which is all the rage these days. Smart comedies, silly comedies, dramas and some action sprinkled in (Indiana Jones, et al.) are my jam. So, I have been wanting to make a movie since I can remember.

I saw Back to the Future and I was enamoured with Doc Brown’s JVC Camcorder. I wanted a video camera so badly I was going out of my mind. Most kids my age wanted G.I. Joe or Star Wars toys, but I wanted a video camera. (The JVC GR-C1)

My uncle Dennis had a Panasonic Video Camera that you attach to the VCR, so my filmmaking was limited to the living room of our small apartment. Well, it really consisted of stop motion-esque films of coasters moving around the table and Star Wars figures walking. Unfortunately, I had to give that camera back to my uncle and it was a while before I got another video camera. By then I had discovered girls, so yeah.

Now, skipping a LOT of time, I fast forward to this morning, July 6, 2017. I’ve been working on getting a feature film made. It was written by my friend Steve Miller and I jumped in to “help” with some of the story. We shot a teaser for about $1100.00 and are trying to raise $250,000 to make it. We can probably shoot it for considerably less, but it will not be how we want it. We want to pay people their correct rate. There are so many things we have to do to get this made and we are learning about it as we go. As a writer/director, I’ve directed about 6 or 7 short films – some of them I wrote or was on the writing team. But a feature is an entirely different breed of cat. It is a gnarly cat that lives in the woods behind my house and cries at night. It scratches at the door and leaves dead mice on the doorstep. He’s a nasty wild cat, but I have seen him be sweet from time to time…with others. With me he scratches and hisses. I believe he can be tamed. How? Perseverance.

So, over the past um – 8 months or so? Yeah, maybe longer…I’ve been very unhealthy. Not eating right, drinking too much, being lazy, etc. This has made me the weak link on my team. Those guys may not agree because they haven’t seen me be ineffective in this process, but I know I can be a better producer. So this morning I got back into the right frame of mind: lifting, running, eating right, meditation and positivity. I thought I needed to kick the evil feral cat so he wouldn’t come around crying outside my house at all hours. But now I realize, I just need to be patient and kind, feed him and make sure he safe. How is that for a terrible analogy? Well, this is a journal entry and I plan on doing this forever.

Peace be with you on your journey.

Last night I was fortunate to be in the audience for the first public performance of Stephen Sondheim’s classic, A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum. I have to qualify this”review” by stating the simple fact that I am just a radio guy who makes short films and is rehearsing for my on-stage debut later this month. I am not a theatre critic and don’t pretend to be. This review is for the people who don’t often go to Geva for whatever reason. Once again, I have no business writing this review.

First of all – this is a comedy. Just in case you miss the word “Funny” in the title. It is whimsical and loads of fun. Steve Rosen is Pseudolus, a slave who is hoping for his freedom. He is the host of this romp through this fictitious Roman neighborhood. Rob Riordan is Hero – the very man who can grant Pseudolus his freedom, if only Pseudolus can deliver Philia (Anna Bucci), a virgin who has already been sold to a Captain in the Roman Legion, Milos Gloriosus (Tim Rogan). One of my favorite aspects of this show is that they continuously break the ‘fourth wall’. (Which means they address the audience directly). I tend to prefer plays over musicals, but this one is so chock full of raw physical comedy and witty repartee that I didn’t mind it when the characters broke into song. Many parts were almost self-deprecating, like they were making fun of the fact that they just broke into song. Scantily clad men and women perform circus-like acrobatics with the grace of the ballet and the timing of old school vaudeville acts. Like I’ve stated, I don’t know what critics who review plays for a living will write about, but I can’t imagine they would write one negative word about this experience. The intimacy of Geva’s Wilson Main Stage and the talent in this cast really make for an extremely enjoyable theatre experience. It would also be a crime not to mention the stylings of Bill Nolte as Marcus Lycus, the local brothel owner. His booming voice and flamboyance really kill. The whole cast rocks. Do yourself a favor and see this show. Get Tickets Here