Oh man – today have been one heck of a trial in my quest for inner peace and positivity. Ever since I have gotten this job I have battled with my perceived expectations and the realities of this gig. 20 years ago, having your own morning radio gig was a real accomplishment. Today, it is just another job. While, it is a job I love doing, it is a constant battle within myself to only see the good and ignore the bad.
The Angry Free-Bee
My wife and I have always been paycheck to paycheck. I had the misconception that if I got a decent full-time radio gig, I would get those coveted free-bees we always see the jocks getting. “New cars, new bathrooms, new roofs, new closets…” Then, reality set in. I get some decent perks, don’t get me wrong, but most of the really big stuff I really need, don’t come. That stuff goes to the A-Team in town. Ironically, the ones who typically can pay for all of that themselves get it for free. It has been a constant battle for me to deal with. I feel like a little primadonna if I complain about it, because after all, I don’t deserve any of that just because I am in this seat. ANYONE could be in this seat. They get those things because they have popular radio shows and have become staples in this community – and I am just a guy from FL, I get that. So – I have to write to deal with this. I now publish these thoughts to the world, because maybe someone else goes through these things and can get something from my writing.
This is all a greater lesson for me to learn
I must realize that these things I want are not coming to me because there is a greater lesson for me to learn. Maybe I’m supposed to figure out a way on my own. Maybe I was not meant to get this stuff just given to me, because it would not help me to grow. I’m kind of a late bloomer. My own family (my former nuclear family, not my current one) always felt that my parents spoiled me. They did so much for me that my brothers had to do for themselves. They have animosity towards me – even if it is not my fault entirely. This is something I’ve recently learned that I am dealing with. Maybe that’s the greater lesson here.
My Take away from all of this
I needed to think through all of this, I guess. I don’t need handouts. I don’t need anyone to think I’m anything special because I need to get this all for myself, so I can be proud and own it. I do the best I can with what I have each and every day on the air. I play music people like and I say some funny things from time to time, so there is value in that. All the while I am learning how to better myself and provide a different kind of value: self-value. Does that make sense?
Thanks for allowing me to Blather – I feel better now. Try it. Blather in the comments below – we can help each other out.
I could stand to lose 40lbs. That would put me down to about 175lbs. I was 174 in October of 2015 after I did a crash diet through the radio station. It wasn’t the first time I was down that low in my adult life either! I was down to 174 in late 2009 after I started getting really into fitness and nutrition. I could have stayed fit and healthy of body, but I was not healthy of mind. So, here’s the rabbit hole:
The Rabbit Hole – Read This and You Will Know Me Better Than Most People Do
I was unhappy in my life for so many reasons. I was laid off from my job in 2008 and then less than 2 years later was forced into freelance status by my employer. Now, a freelancer by definition means you are free to work for whomever you wish, yet this guy insisted that I could only “freelance” for him. So, what that meant was that he wanted me to be a part-time employee but not have to pay me through the payroll. We had a falling out and so I was without any employment for a short time. Because of this development, I was forced to stay home with the kids. Let’s see, this was 2010, so I had a 7 year old, a 6 year old recently diagnosed with Autism and a 3 year old. I was not happy about it.Â
My early adult years were mired in mental and emotional abuse. I have always been an insecure person, but I have always known that I possessed great talents. One thing that has always kept me from having the confidence I needed to succeed was my weight. I’ve been “husky” since I was about 10 or 11. Often times I was treated like “Verne’ in Stand By Me. My neighborhood “friends” in elementary and middle school were not very loyal to me. I had a couple of good friends in middle school – really good people. Like Stand By Me, we drifted apart…thankfully none of them were knifed in a fast-food restaurant. Fast forward to my adult years – my first professional job was so demanding that it really did a number on my psyche. It was very much like the film Office Space.
I had a super-ambitious boss and I learned a lot from him. The most important lesson I learned from him was how to be an effective manager: I basically do the opposite of everything he did. He used to call me a fat bastard. He used to hold me to higher standards than anyone ever did. He used to put me in charge and then have underlings check on me behind my back, asking other employees questions about when I arrived to work, when I left, etc. My relationship with this place of employment was very similar to that of an abused spouse.
I started that job in 1997, left in 2001, went back in 2002, left in 2003, went back in 2004 and left for good in 2007. I still have horrible nightmares that I have gone back to work there. It was a pseudo-creative job with long stretches of intense oppression and some nice travel. When I did travel, I was usually by myself or with someone that was nothing like me. I was usually lonely and always trying to find a girlfriend/wife. Trying too hard. I had one real relationship in my early adult years that only lasted 2 years, but we lived together and it was really intense. That ended abruptly and also affected my self esteem. It was shortly after that relationship when I started my “relationship” with this job. My way to cope with the stresses of the job and my own perceived inadequacies was to self-medicate. That really set the stage for this show that I’ve been performing for 20 years – a horrible horrible show.
Each time I was sufficiently motivated to really change myself, I was met with a setback. Many people are able to accept those setback and “sally forth”. I was not able to. I cannot even get into it now – because there is just so much – the rabbit hole goes for miles and miles. But, this brings me back to my 40lbs statement.
Sick and Tired of the Self Doubt and Lack of Confidence
I got into radio and that was a rough ride for my self esteem. My first week on the air at Fickle and I got an email from a guy who said I was horrible. I’ve learned to let that kind of stuff go, but I still have an insane desire for people to like me. I am working on that on a daily basis. I still have to deal with the fact that some people only pretend to like me because I work in radio and I can do something for them. Those are the people who don’t respond to my messages when I need something from them. They know who they are – and they are not bothering to read this anyway. But I am done with it! I am 45 and I am setting goals for myself and I don’t give a rat’s ass what people say about me. You have no idea how hard that is for me to write, but it feels good. Thankfully, I have the support of my lovely wife and 3 awesome kids and two cats. That’s all I need to be successful. It has taken me 20 years to grow enough to climb out of that dark well of loneliness and despair. The low dose of medication I am on helps too, but I am focused on dropping that too. I started my positivity blog and podcast so I could live in a positive world – a world of my own creation. A way to climb out of the rabbit hole.
If you would like to join me on the road to success and self-esteem, drop me a line and tell me your story. We can trade inspiring thoughts and quotes. I think we need to surround ourselves with like-minded people ALL THE TIME so we don’t fall back down the well. Lassie isn’t here to save us, Timmy – we have to save ourselves.
I have a belief that going the extra mile will get you an extra 10 miles when it comes to business…or even in life. I have a client who needed some re-records. It was part client changes and part fixes on my end, like pronunciations and an editing oversite. Our contract states that if the changes are at their request, I can charge a re-record fee – but if they are my fault, I can’t. I did the records and editing fixes and sent them back, but was trying to decide if I should invoice them or just let it go. I sought advice from others and got a bit of both sides of it, so I was still stuck. Then the client called back to let me know that there was another round of changes to record – but they were their changes and not mistakes on my part. Win! I could now confidently bill them for the work. But that’s not the point of my little story here.
When the second round came through they were very apologetic about having a round two. They knew it was an inconvenience for me considering my recording schedule was so tight – and I legitimately appreciated their concern for my schedule. I simply told them it was no problem and that I would consider it part of the first round of re-records and for them to not worry one bit. It was no big deal for me to act that way. I know people who would have given them the riot act – seeing it as an opportunity to bill again and go through that process. But I think that doesn’t do you any good for the long-term relationship with your clients.
My client was so happy with my attitude that she was happy to pass along how easy I was to work with to the CEO of the company. That is only good news. Now, I am on the CEO’s radar and that’s good capital. So, I put the quick buck aside and looked at the long-game….and if you’re not thinking that way, you’re doomed….eventually.
We all know this scenario. Heck, I was recently accused of being one of these people! Someone actually had the gall to say I was a user! These former friends are pretty lost in some alternative facts. But thankfully, I have exorcised my life of such dark demons.
Friends With Something You Want
Have you ever been in a situation where someone suddenly pops up in your life and is your best pal? Then after a little while they drop the subtle need that you can help with? Then, poof…they’re gone! YUP! I’ve had some recent dealings with this kind of person – and for the most part, I am ok with it. WHY???? Because I am not on this earth to play tit for tat! One of the oldest philosophies ever in religion is “turn the other cheek”. I have turned the cheek quite a bit lately and that is totally OK.
Here’s How I Deal With It (and you can too)
Let it go! It’s that simple. I am not suggesting that you become everyone’s favorite welcome mat, but simply learn who those folks are and then quietly distance yourself from them.
“But, what if they are an important part of my life, Fitz?”, you ask…
Yeah, there’s that. So, I would suggest you rate them on some kind of scale. 1-10, A-F, whatever…and the higher they rank, the more you should do to try and fix the problem. I mean, there is always the option of being frankly honest with people. You could just blurt out, “Hey…so I never hear from you unless you need something.” I totally feel like doing that right now. I have some people who are currently not responding to my messages and yet when they need something and ask me, I respond immediately! Maybe I am just a better friend to them then they are to me, huh? Sad.
So, I’ve blathered quite a bit here and I am not sure I’ve given you any info you didn’t already know. I do know that you are in charge of your own life and don’t have to take anyone’s bull.
Choices are: turn the other cheek and slowly fade away from that person or confront them – all based on whether or not they have value in your life. It kind of sounds cheap and corporate – but then again, if they are only hitting you up on Facebook when they need you – and then not answering your questions in a reasonable timeframe, why bother with them at all?
It was no big deal for me to act that way. I know people who would have given them the riot act – seeing it as an opportunity to bill again and go through that process. But I think that doesn’t do you any good for the long-term relationship with your clients.