“Fitz, will you stop with that crap?! I’ll be annoyed if I want to be!” – you
Let me explain…there is no time…let me sum up. Recently, I made friends with a person and we had mutual business needs. It made perfect sense to barter our services because it was win win. That person ended up finding a gig and in the back of my mind I like to believe I was part of that. I was sad that person is no longer involved in my business but at the same time, I met a few others via that person who have been very great contacts! So, sometimes a person moves into your life to move you in a new direction. I think most of the time the direction is positive, but sometimes it can be negative. With that in mind, I’ve only ever experienced positive changes – I will list some examples:
Toxic people moved themselves out of my life. It was not easy at the time, but it was for the best.
Mistakes were made in business with people who were not a good match and I was too trusting. But, once I was aware of the situation (and listened to my mastermind group) I was able to move on with a better understanding of the situation and learned a great deal about how to avoid similar situations in the future.
Past work experiences that set me back years both professionally and personally (emotionally, mentally) all made me who I am today and make me better at what I do. I know how to listen to people, I know how to lead people, I know how to apply ethics to every decision.
These examples are not specific to me, I am sure. YOU probably have experience with one or all of these examples. Granted, they are broad and can apply to many situations in life, but this is why I have to be amazed and not annoyed.
I could choose to be annoyed that I was taken advantage of or that because of the evils of one person, I am undergoing therapy. But, instead, I am amazed at how life works. I am amazed that life has presented me with lessons to learn from and not events to dismay me.
I have almost an entirely new set of people in my life than I did one year ago and they are much better for me. The positive people, the ones who only lift me up and move me forward are here and will always be here. The new ones are a result of my change of perspective and desire to be on the forward path. I was on a path that did loops -forward for a while, then back around, always repeating. If you find yourself there, stop and sit down and look around and really assess where you are going. I was going nowhere. Now, I am going forward and not looking back. I owe it all to my people.
In just about every sport I’ve ever tried, one of the keys to being effective in said sport was having good follow through. In golf, baseball, soccer, track and field and other sports I am in no way qualified to coach, they all required good follow through.
Recently, I was at a networking event and a bunch of aspiring folks got together to chat about doing voice overs. It’s a great new group here in town and the people who showed up obviously want to work in that field. There were two speakers who are very successful in the biz and shared much wisdom with the audience. I had to leave a bit early because I get up at stupid o’clock and whatnot, so I didn’t catch the very end of their presentations. It seems that they were about to wrap things up as I left, so hopefully I didn’t miss much.
One thing I did miss – or I didn’t hear them talk about was follow through. They talked about microphones, acoustics, websites, SEO and all kinds of other stuff. But they seemed to miss one key factor: follow through. You need the perseverance to ‘sally forth’ when things look bleak, because they will! Starting out as a voice actor later in life (as most of the attendees were) means you most likely have a job, kids, bills, responsibilities…you know, excuses. You can easily get side-tracked, you can easily be dismayed by the outlay of money you will need to start your new side hustle.
The key thing to remember AFTER you’ve set up your booth, microphone, etc. is STAYING POWER! Yeah, not giving up when you have gone 6 months with no gigs. Not using your mic stand as a laundry rack. Not following through with getting that website updated or demo produced.
I won’t drone on and on with examples of what you should or should not do – except to say that you have to stick with it with a laser focus. Don’t be deterred, don’t lose sight of the prize.
Tuesday was a crazy day. I had to shoot video, record voice overs, record a radio show, make dinner and then get over to Geva Theatre and see Thurgood. One of my favorite perks of this radio job is that I get to see all the shows. I brought my 15 year old son, Shaun. I figured he should see a play about Thurgood Marshall, the first African American to sit on the Supreme Court. I’m a bit of a history buff and casual wonk, so I was interested as well. I knew that name, Thurgood. I thought I knew why I knew that name, but I really didn’t know anything.
Lester Purry delivers a captivating performance as Thurgood Marshall. I went into this play not knowing anything about it. I didn’t know it was a cast of one. i didn’t know it would be a guy on stage talking to the audience the entire time. Well, it really was a whole lot more than that.
First of all, we get serious insight into Thurgood Marshall, the man. By the end of the first act, you feel like he’s a kindly old man you met on the train who had amazing stories of his life to share. I think we’ve all been in that situation, where a person keeps yapping and yapping about this or that and we couldn’t care less. This was NOT one of those times. Learning about the 14th amendment to the Constitution was something I had not intended. Plessy v Ferguson and Brown v Board of Education both ring a bell from my school days, but I had forgotten why.
It is important to remember these legal precedents. It’s just as relevant today as it was back then. I would argue it is even more relevant today, because we’ve come a long way as a society, but not far enough.
Thurgood Marshall was a smart and fair man who brought a new perspective and set of experiences to the Supreme Court and he was there at the right time. I only wish he was still there.
My son and I were mesmerized the entire time. I made the perfect dad joke after the curtain call. “Thurgood was ThurGreat!” Yes, he gave me the 15 year old eye roll too…
I am trying to get back on my correct path. Which path are you referring to, Fitz? Well, whichever path is the correct one for you. That path will be easy – effortless. You won’t have worries on that path. Your correct path won’t even seem like a path that you follow, rather it will seem to be correcting itself as you go forward – as though it was always going that way. You won’t necessarily be able to see where the path leads, but every time you make a turn, you’re still on the path.
I am not saying that it is impossible to stray from the path – it most certainly is possible. But, deep down you will know – through some form of instinct, that your decision will lead you off the path. You may choose to ignore those inner warning, but I hope you don’t. I have chosen to ignore my inner most warning signs.
What happened? I veered off the path. I KNEW I had veered off the path and it has always been in my power to hop back on – but I didn’t. Why? I cannot pretend to know the answer except to say, perhaps, I was too scared. I had been on the wrong path for so long that I think I was confused as to where my path really was. I forgot that my path was effortless and joyful, not riddled with doubt and fear. I forgot these things and I decided to remember them. Honest writing shows me the path and once again it is up to me to allow the path to lead me out of the muck and the mire. My path leads through groups of amazing people who are strong and positive and caring. Where does your path take you?
I posted a status on Facebook last night while I was waiting for my son to finished golf camp. The post was about how I am grateful for the people who blew me off and couldn’t be bothered to respond to my correspondence. This post caused some folks to reach out to me thinking something was wrong. It might have been how I worded it – but I was really surprised and appreciative of the response. I went back and edited it so that it seemed less dire! But I really felt the need to express my gratitude for the idea of unanswered prayers. There is a Garth Brooks song about it and it is pretty spot on.
The concept is that what you THINK you want really bad at the time might not be right for you in the long run, so if it doesn’t happen, it is upsetting at first but when it all plays out, you’ll look back and say “ha, thank God THAT didn’t happen!” Even recently, there are people in my network who have ghosted me or never bother to respond to messages. It used to piss me off, frankly. But now I understand why it is happening. Right now it is not meant for me to work with this person. One day, perhaps that person will decide to reach out. Maybe he or she will apologize for those actions. Maybe not.
I have learned that what I thought I wanted all those times – those jobs applied to, those people I reached out to – didn’t happen because I was not supposed to go that way – that was not my path.
So I am thankful for the unanswered prayers. I would not have ROC Vox – I would not have a lot of the things I really enjoy now. There is a peace of mind that comes with this realization and I hop you can find it. When something doesn’t work out for you, try and think about the road it would have lead you down and understand that there is a different road you are supposed to be on.
I’m a small business owner and I also have a full-time radio job. I am fortunate that my radio gig is a morning show and so I am out early enough to still have a good chunk of the day to kick things into gear. BUT….the most productive hours are the morning hours – AND I AM AT WORK AND NOT IN MY OWN STUDIO!!!! Then I get to the studio (my second job) after I have lunch with my kids (who are due back at school in just a few weeks – but who is counting?) Now I have to catch up on doing VO’s, editing, Podcasts, general biz admin and…oh yeah…marketing, following up sales leads, answering emails and much much more. Sometimes, my workload actually takes up all of that time and the next thing I know I am rushing home to make dinner and perform my Dadministrative duties – then it is time for bed so I can be up early for the show. All by myself. But darnnit, I am not an island.
An island is all by itself, with only the resources it has or whatever washes up on shore. That won’t work forever if you want to grow. There is only so much room and whatnot! I looked into all of the below possibilities”
Find someone to help! A part time employee who works maybe 10-20 hours per week at minimum wage could be a huge help to get the busy work done. Retirees and students are perfect candidates. Yes, it is not ideal and there are risks. Plus, you have to jump into the “employee” realm! If you are a sole proprietorship, that may be tough…and I get that.
Invest in some kind of CRM software to help with the data being thrown at you all day. After the learning curve, it is like having an employee there that never sleeps.
If sales or marketing is lacking – try for an intern or a commission only contractor who can work remotely and do thy bidding for a piece of the action. I am exploring this option currently and I am seeing a positive trend just in my time management. Again, you have to vet this person because you are giving them some power representing you and your company. Starting with friends and family is a good idea, just have an agreement in writing.
Virtual Assistant – I have zero experience with this option. I know VA’s are not cheap, but I also know that when you find the right one for you, he or she will be a game-changer. I have heard from friends and colleagues who swear by their Virtual Assistant. They can cover so much for you and free you up for the important work.
None of these are an easy fix and require an investment of time and money, but the ROI’s are pretty positive.
The important takeaway from this Blathering, is that you need help. Figure out which kind of helper will make a difference and do it. If you need to take a loan or sell a kidney, maybe you should – it will pay off in the end. (I do not endorse the sale of any human organs, the above comment was used to illustrate a point)
If you’ve read a few of my Blatherings, you know that my life revolves around movie quotes. The one above makes my point succinctly. Plus – Burt Young and Keith Gordon – two fantastically under celebrated actors.
I’ve learned that you really need to CYA at all times regardless of how well you “think” you know who you are dealing with. This holds true for business and personal encounters. I might be slightly naive to believe in my heart that most people want to do the right thing. I think it breaks down when it comes to the part where they must take action, and if it is at all an inconvenience.
If you’ve ever had to barter services for mutual benefit, you know how easy it is for one or even both parties in the transaction to devalue the services being bartered – especially when any out of pocket expenses are involved.
Let’s say you have a service that a friend of yours needs. That friend has the ability to really get your services out to his or her network. Do those values match? You really need to figure that out, otherwise you might be on the losing end of the bargain. If you would normally charge $2,000.00 for your service, you had better be sure that your pal gives you equal or greater value. Sure, if your service is no out of pocket and you want to do your ‘bro’ a favor, that’s totally cool and totally your call – “The Dude Abides”.
If you enter into any kind of barter arrangement – WRITE IT UP! Make sure both parties have the deal in writing. It is all too easy for someone to say they misunderstood and not deliver the quid pro quo. I have had this happen to me and it is really unfortunate – especially if you like the person who suddenly ghosts you when you’re looking for your part of the barter.
I’m a forgiving and understanding person, so I get it. Sometimes you can be excited about a barter situation because it will really benefit you and you’re not entirely worried about the end game when you have to pony up your end of the deal. Protip: don’t promise something you cannot deliver – and get it in writing. I’ve moved on from my disappointments so I’m good with it all, but I won’t make that mistake again!
You’ve heard the statement: “It’s business, not personal.” Mostly when it comes to mob-hits or something like that, right? Well, sometimes the line between business and personal is not just blurred, it is INVISIBLE! One of the hardest situations to navigate is when you are rejected at a professional level – by someone you know personally. I have a huge character flaw which causes me to take almost everything personally. Yes, I’m owning that and yes, I am classifying it as a character flaw. I really admire anyone who can let criticism roll off their back like kool-aid off a duck’s briefcase. Botched similes aside, I have recently had to deal with feeling slighted and disrespected professionally, but I am POSITIVE that it is not a personal slight – but it sure does feel like it. Example: someone I know had an appointment with me, but then had a “scheduling issue”, but ended up on social media with my competition. Did he not think I would see it? He was just doing his thing and probably doesn’t know he has disrespected me. To his credit, it is not something someone in his position would really know off the bat. BUT – I still feel the way I do and it is really difficult to shake it off. I want to confront him about it – but that would be petty and unprofessional. I have to just LET IT GO.
Have you ever experienced something like this before? I am really pulling from deep within myself to capture my positivity and counteract these dark feelings. I have to convince myself that this is business and not personal. As a small business owner, if someone doesn’t choose my service, it is really hard to wonder if they passed me up because I didn’t measure up. Sadly, that’s how I think – and I am trying to break that habit. If you have ever felt that way – let’s break that habit together.
Owning a small business based on some form of creativity makes it automatically a personal process to some extent. But not taking things personally means you must separate yourself from the business – in some way. I am working towards that end goal. I remind myself that I have a lot to offer my clients and that others are more interested in their own agenda to really consider my personal feelings. So – it really isn’t personal – it is just business. There – I got through it.
Being thoughtful – truly thoughtful, is a real artform that so very many people just don’t understand. Being thoughtful isn’t just remembering a birthday or wedding anniversary. Being thoughtful is bringing someone a pink carnation on their birthday because they once told you about how much they love pink carnations. Thoughtfulness, in my opinion, is going that extra step to really get through the N.O.I.S.E.
N.O.I.S.E. is anything that qualifies as the following descriptives: (Needless – Ostentatious – Insensitive – Senseless – Expletives). Nasty comments, people who are just promoting a Ray Ban Sunglasses Sale or their skincare products, folks who have nothing to offer to the conversation in a meaningful way. You know those people. So, how do you get through them on the Friend-Books and Twissler tweets? Just make a personal connection to the person you are trying to engage with. Instead of “Happy Birthday”, I like to post something more personal. “Happy Birthday, Tom – hope you get that rash cleared up soon!” Well, maybe not THAT personal, but you get the idea.
In the workplace, it is also taking an extra step to break out from the pack and take the lead. I have encountered many people throughout my career who were not very good at their jobs, but they went over and above to be courteous and respectful – even NICE! Those are the people who, despite their professional shortcomings, held onto their positions and even advanced in the company – because their attitudes allowed people to take an interest in their professional education. As a manager, I am far more likely to take extra time with the person who just can’t get it right but is always smiling, as opposed to the joker who does the absolute minimum and talks smack about the guy in shipping with the lazy eye.
Be authentic. Be thoughtful. Be positive. Be the ball.
Today I learned about the Impostor Syndrome. I could easily identify with it because I have been afflicted with it for years. Simply stated, the Impostor Syndrome is when you fear that others will discover that you are really a fraud and don’t deserve your success. You’ve been “faking your way to fame and fortune” this entire time and someone is bound to discover that you are not that talented, you don’t know enough to be where you are and that you are a total fake – a fraud. This is a real psychological condition that has been and is still being studied. I’ve always had this complex – but it intensified when I started working in radio full-time. I think it can be a blessing of sorts.
I would (and still do ) get all awkward when someone refers to me as a “celebrity” because I’m on the radio. I am always quick to scoff at that idea. Although it is not entirely untrue, it is a gross overstatement for certain. There are other personalities that are celebrities in this town. I am only a celebrity when compared to others who are not in some form of the public eye. I have friends in the business who are actual celebrities – well, at least in Rochester, NY or the surrounding areas. The funny thing is that I know some celebs who act like they are superstars and some superstars who are the most down to earth people on the planet.
I think having some variation of the Impostor Syndrome makes us humble and real. I think it has to be a superficial syndrome, though. I have a real problem with my own Impostor Syndrome making me feel unworthy of anything and having a low self-esteem…which I am working on. But having an outward version of this could be helpful in making you more approachable and humble – essentially making you a better leader. You know?
For me, I have to beat my own version of the Impostor Syndrome – which is the “Holy Crap I suck” Syndrome. But, I am working on that. I have made tons of mistakes in the past and I am not going to beat myself up over them. At the same time I want to always remain humble and approachable. When my success reaches the inevitable heights that I expect they will and people come up to me on the streets asking me how I became so freaking awesome, I want to be able to remain humble. 🙂
The key thing to remember AFTER you’ve set up your booth, microphone, etc. is STAYING POWER! Yeah, not giving up when you have gone 6 months with no gigs. Not using your mic stand as a laundry rack. Not following through with getting that website updated or demo produced.
What happened? I veered off the path. I KNEW I had veered off the path and it has always been in my power to hop back on – but I didn’t. Why? I cannot pretend to know the answer except to say, perhaps, I was too scared. I had been on the wrong path for so long that I think I was confused as to where my path really was. I forgot that my path was effortless and joyful, not riddled with doubt and fear. I forgot these things and I decided to remember them. Honest writing shows me the path and once again it is up to me to allow the path to lead me out of the muck and the mire. My path leads through groups of amazing people who are strong and positive and caring. Where does your path take you?
Just make a personal connection to the person you are trying to engage with. Instead of “Happy Birthday”, I like to post something more personal. “Happy Birthday, Tom – hope you get that rash cleared up soon!” Well, maybe not THAT personal, but you get the idea.
As a manager, I am far more likely to take extra time with the person who just can’t get it right but is always smiling, as opposed to the joker who does the absolute minimum and talks smack about the guy in shipping with the lazy eye.
I think having some variation of the Impostor Syndrome makes us humble and real. I think it has to be a superficial syndrome, though. I have a real problem with my own Impostor Syndrome making me feel unworthy of anything and having a low self-esteem…which I am working on. But having an outward version of this could be helpful in making you more approachable and humble – essentially making you a better leader. You know?