You’ve heard the statement: “It’s business, not personal.” Mostly when it comes to mob-hits or something like that, right? Well, sometimes the line between business and personal is not just blurred, it is INVISIBLE! One of the hardest situations to navigate is when you are rejected at a professional level – by someone you know personally. I have a huge character flaw which causes me to take almost everything personally. Yes, I’m owning that and yes, I am classifying it as a character flaw. I really admire anyone who can let criticism roll off their back like kool-aid off a duck’s briefcase. Botched similes aside, I have recently had to deal with feeling slighted and disrespected professionally, but I am POSITIVE that it is not a personal slight – but it sure does feel like it. Example: someone I know had an appointment with me, but then had a “scheduling issue”, but ended up on social media with my competition. Did he not think I would see it? He was just doing his thing and probably doesn’t know he has disrespected me. To his credit, it is not something someone in his position would really know off the bat. BUT – I still feel the way I do and it is really difficult to shake it off. I want to confront him about it – but that would be petty and unprofessional. I have to just LET IT GO.
Have you ever experienced something like this before? I am really pulling from deep within myself to capture my positivity and counteract these dark feelings. I have to convince myself that this is business and not personal. As a small business owner, if someone doesn’t choose my service, it is really hard to wonder if they passed me up because I didn’t measure up. Sadly, that’s how I think – and I am trying to break that habit. If you have ever felt that way – let’s break that habit together.
Owning a small business based on some form of creativity makes it automatically a personal process to some extent. But not taking things personally means you must separate yourself from the business – in some way. I am working towards that end goal. I remind myself that I have a lot to offer my clients and that others are more interested in their own agenda to really consider my personal feelings. So – it really isn’t personal – it is just business. There – I got through it.
Being thoughtful – truly thoughtful, is a real artform that so very many people just don’t understand. Being thoughtful isn’t just remembering a birthday or wedding anniversary. Being thoughtful is bringing someone a pink carnation on their birthday because they once told you about how much they love pink carnations. Thoughtfulness, in my opinion, is going that extra step to really get through the N.O.I.S.E.
N.O.I.S.E. is anything that qualifies as the following descriptives: (Needless – Ostentatious – Insensitive – Senseless – Expletives). Nasty comments, people who are just promoting a Ray Ban Sunglasses Sale or their skincare products, folks who have nothing to offer to the conversation in a meaningful way. You know those people. So, how do you get through them on the Friend-Books and Twissler tweets? Just make a personal connection to the person you are trying to engage with. Instead of “Happy Birthday”, I like to post something more personal. “Happy Birthday, Tom – hope you get that rash cleared up soon!” Well, maybe not THAT personal, but you get the idea.
In the workplace, it is also taking an extra step to break out from the pack and take the lead. I have encountered many people throughout my career who were not very good at their jobs, but they went over and above to be courteous and respectful – even NICE! Those are the people who, despite their professional shortcomings, held onto their positions and even advanced in the company – because their attitudes allowed people to take an interest in their professional education. As a manager, I am far more likely to take extra time with the person who just can’t get it right but is always smiling, as opposed to the joker who does the absolute minimum and talks smack about the guy in shipping with the lazy eye.
Be authentic. Be thoughtful. Be positive. Be the ball.
Today I learned about the Impostor Syndrome. I could easily identify with it because I have been afflicted with it for years. Simply stated, the Impostor Syndrome is when you fear that others will discover that you are really a fraud and don’t deserve your success. You’ve been “faking your way to fame and fortune” this entire time and someone is bound to discover that you are not that talented, you don’t know enough to be where you are and that you are a total fake – a fraud. This is a real psychological condition that has been and is still being studied. I’ve always had this complex – but it intensified when I started working in radio full-time. I think it can be a blessing of sorts.
I would (and still do ) get all awkward when someone refers to me as a “celebrity” because I’m on the radio. I am always quick to scoff at that idea. Although it is not entirely untrue, it is a gross overstatement for certain. There are other personalities that are celebrities in this town. I am only a celebrity when compared to others who are not in some form of the public eye. I have friends in the business who are actual celebrities – well, at least in Rochester, NY or the surrounding areas. The funny thing is that I know some celebs who act like they are superstars and some superstars who are the most down to earth people on the planet.
I think having some variation of the Impostor Syndrome makes us humble and real. I think it has to be a superficial syndrome, though. I have a real problem with my own Impostor Syndrome making me feel unworthy of anything and having a low self-esteem…which I am working on. But having an outward version of this could be helpful in making you more approachable and humble – essentially making you a better leader. You know?
For me, I have to beat my own version of the Impostor Syndrome – which is the “Holy Crap I suck” Syndrome. But, I am working on that. I have made tons of mistakes in the past and I am not going to beat myself up over them. At the same time I want to always remain humble and approachable. When my success reaches the inevitable heights that I expect they will and people come up to me on the streets asking me how I became so freaking awesome, I want to be able to remain humble. 🙂
Maybe I am just in a funk, but it seems like each and every morning starts out OK, but then I sink into a feeling of despair that I have to really work at shaking off. Why? I really have no idea. Well, maybe I have an idea after all. You see, I really love what I do on a daily basis. I love doing radio, I love doing Voice Overs, I love editing audio and video and recording podcasts. I love solving technical problems with little resources because it challenges me to think and utilize my 25 years of troubleshooting experience. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to simply throw money at a problem, but I have never really worked in an environment where that was possible. I even worked for a Fortune 500 company whose CEO owned a basketball team, but even there, we had to make due with less than what we really needed. That has never changed in my professional life. I had only one job where they had the best tools for the job – and I was laid off 11 months after I started because of a great recession.
I’m going to stay positive with this article because – well, I really have to. In trying to create a positivity-based life, I must always see the forest through the trees. So, I am going to speak directly to the Managers who might be reading this. Are you a team leader or department head? Did you know that you and people like you in every single industry in this country control the mental and emotional well-being of the working class of this country? Some would argue with me, but getting down to the brass tax ask this question: How many people had a bad day at work because of their boss or supervisor? How many of those people end up with stress related illness like insomnia, anxiety, depression, obesity and high blood pressure? Do I have the science? Not in front of me – but I have been there, so I have my own anecdotal evidence. Plus, it is a darn good hunch.
If you are a manager, do this country a favor and compliment your employees. Tell them they are doing a good job. For the ones who are not, find at least one thing they are doing right and build on that. Build them up, don’t knock them down. The best leaders want good things for their team. Are you afraid one of your staff might take your job one day? Then do your job better instead of holding them down.
There is nothing more crushing in a job when you feel that your management doesn’t care about you. I know what that’s like. I am no stranger to being treated like a warm body in a seat. Made to feel that I am no more special than the guy who served me a coffee in the cafe, and if asked, he would do my job just as good.
Managers – you can change the emotional landscape of this country. You can help make people feel good about a day’s work. The big question is will you? The bigger question can be, why wouldn’t you? Because if you don’t treat your team with respect, then you don’t deserve to lead them.
Oh man – today have been one heck of a trial in my quest for inner peace and positivity. Ever since I have gotten this job I have battled with my perceived expectations and the realities of this gig. 20 years ago, having your own morning radio gig was a real accomplishment. Today, it is just another job. While, it is a job I love doing, it is a constant battle within myself to only see the good and ignore the bad.
My wife and I have always been paycheck to paycheck. I had the misconception that if I got a decent full-time radio gig, I would get those coveted free-bees we always see the jocks getting. “New cars, new bathrooms, new roofs, new closets…” Then, reality set in. I get some decent perks, don’t get me wrong, but most of the really big stuff I really need, don’t come. That stuff goes to the A-Team in town. Ironically, the ones who typically can pay for all of that themselves get it for free. It has been a constant battle for me to deal with. I feel like a little primadonna if I complain about it, because after all, I don’t deserve any of that just because I am in this seat. ANYONE could be in this seat. They get those things because they have popular radio shows and have become staples in this community – and I am just a guy from FL, I get that. So – I have to write to deal with this. I now publish these thoughts to the world, because maybe someone else goes through these things and can get something from my writing.
This is all a greater lesson for me to learn
I must realize that these things I want are not coming to me because there is a greater lesson for me to learn. Maybe I’m supposed to figure out a way on my own. Maybe I was not meant to get this stuff just given to me, because it would not help me to grow. I’m kind of a late bloomer. My own family (my former nuclear family, not my current one) always felt that my parents spoiled me. They did so much for me that my brothers had to do for themselves. They have animosity towards me – even if it is not my fault entirely. This is something I’ve recently learned that I am dealing with. Maybe that’s the greater lesson here.
My Take away from all of this
I needed to think through all of this, I guess. I don’t need handouts. I don’t need anyone to think I’m anything special because I need to get this all for myself, so I can be proud and own it. I do the best I can with what I have each and every day on the air. I play music people like and I say some funny things from time to time, so there is value in that. All the while I am learning how to better myself and provide a different kind of value: self-value. Does that make sense?
Thanks for allowing me to Blather – I feel better now. Try it. Blather in the comments below – we can help each other out.
I have a belief that going the extra mile will get you an extra 10 miles when it comes to business…or even in life. I have a client who needed some re-records. It was part client changes and part fixes on my end, like pronunciations and an editing oversite. Our contract states that if the changes are at their request, I can charge a re-record fee – but if they are my fault, I can’t. I did the records and editing fixes and sent them back, but was trying to decide if I should invoice them or just let it go. I sought advice from others and got a bit of both sides of it, so I was still stuck. Then the client called back to let me know that there was another round of changes to record – but they were their changes and not mistakes on my part. Win! I could now confidently bill them for the work. But that’s not the point of my little story here.
When the second round came through they were very apologetic about having a round two. They knew it was an inconvenience for me considering my recording schedule was so tight – and I legitimately appreciated their concern for my schedule. I simply told them it was no problem and that I would consider it part of the first round of re-records and for them to not worry one bit. It was no big deal for me to act that way. I know people who would have given them the riot act – seeing it as an opportunity to bill again and go through that process. But I think that doesn’t do you any good for the long-term relationship with your clients.
My client was so happy with my attitude that she was happy to pass along how easy I was to work with to the CEO of the company. That is only good news. Now, I am on the CEO’s radar and that’s good capital. So, I put the quick buck aside and looked at the long-game….and if you’re not thinking that way, you’re doomed….eventually.
We all know this scenario. Heck, I was recently accused of being one of these people! Someone actually had the gall to say I was a user! These former friends are pretty lost in some alternative facts. But thankfully, I have exorcised my life of such dark demons.
Friends With Something You Want
Have you ever been in a situation where someone suddenly pops up in your life and is your best pal? Then after a little while they drop the subtle need that you can help with? Then, poof…they’re gone! YUP! I’ve had some recent dealings with this kind of person – and for the most part, I am ok with it. WHY???? Because I am not on this earth to play tit for tat! One of the oldest philosophies ever in religion is “turn the other cheek”. I have turned the cheek quite a bit lately and that is totally OK.
Here’s How I Deal With It (and you can too)
Let it go! It’s that simple. I am not suggesting that you become everyone’s favorite welcome mat, but simply learn who those folks are and then quietly distance yourself from them.
“But, what if they are an important part of my life, Fitz?”, you ask…
Yeah, there’s that. So, I would suggest you rate them on some kind of scale. 1-10, A-F, whatever…and the higher they rank, the more you should do to try and fix the problem. I mean, there is always the option of being frankly honest with people. You could just blurt out, “Hey…so I never hear from you unless you need something.” I totally feel like doing that right now. I have some people who are currently not responding to my messages and yet when they need something and ask me, I respond immediately! Maybe I am just a better friend to them then they are to me, huh? Sad.
So, I’ve blathered quite a bit here and I am not sure I’ve given you any info you didn’t already know. I do know that you are in charge of your own life and don’t have to take anyone’s bull.
Choices are: turn the other cheek and slowly fade away from that person or confront them – all based on whether or not they have value in your life. It kind of sounds cheap and corporate – but then again, if they are only hitting you up on Facebook when they need you – and then not answering your questions in a reasonable timeframe, why bother with them at all?
Rule #1 in life should be: If you didn’t learn anything today, you’re doing it wrong! I don’t care if you are at the top of your field and there is literally NOTHING else about the tech or industry you can learn – look harder, because there is. Whether it is simply looking at something from a different point of view or meeting someone new in your industry and learning how THEY do things. It is all worthy of your attention.
Better yet, how about learning how to be a human? The moment you get it all figured out and can operate at 100% perfect humanity, you had better let the rest of us know – because I think it is evolving faster than you can adapt. That in mind, you must always be learning something.
I Learned Something Yesterday!
What say you, Fitz? I learned how I shouldn’t let some little things affect my big picture. Yeah, it is not a revolutionary thought and perhaps you learned that when you were popping pimples in study hall! Well, I am new at this whole “growth” concept. I got all bent out of shape because a prospective client canceled their studio tour with no explanation. I was crestfallen! This actually was the company I thought of first for my services, even before I opened my business, so the thought of them coming in and checking out my wares was very exciting. A few other little things happened to me yesterday and I was starting to lose my positive glow. That was a huge mistake!
I got it back with a little meditation. I put on some great meditation music (for me it is a film score playlist on Spotify) and in a few minutes I had my center back. Let me tell you – if you have not tried this, do yourself a favor. Go out to your car or lock yourself in the bathroom for 5-10 minutes and focus on your breathing…it really helps. Think about your goals – live in the moment – feel the emotions as if you have already accomplished whatever it is you want to achieve. Oh it is so transformative.
If you didn’t know about this – you just learned something! At the very least, you learned that I like Film Scores on Spotify!