No Problem?

I’m 47 years old. I have three teenagers. I host an early morning radio show. I have no money. Sure, I can pay my bills and find ways to pay for my kids’ extracurriculars. I started a business in 2018 and threw myself in a little more debt, because I’ve always dreamed of owning my own business. Although I am super busy and financially bipolar, I decided that now was the time to make a feature comedy about two guys half my age doing things I’d now be too tired to do. My story is not unique, because I have a friend named Steve Miller and he was in a similar boat. He boarded the boat a few years before me, having turned the big five-oh in December, 2019.

Not everyone experiences a mid-life crisis. Typically, guys our age are looking to buy those expensive toys to help them recapture their youth. I’ve seen dudes my age tooling around in a new sports car or dropping a brand new speed boat into Irondequoit Bay. Hunting trips, golf trips, buddy trips to Daytona, Bristol or even the Super Bowl, if they have the scratch. Steve and I? Nah. Let’s make a feature film – yeah! No problem! This road started in 2016 and we’re almost at the finish line.

Is it Too Late for Us?

The movie industry is changing, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed. Movie theatre ticket sales are threatened by the streaming platforms like Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video and Disney Plus. The major studios are getting into the game too; better late than never! The old distribution model is also on its way out for us indie filmmakers. That is an entirely different post and more info about the industry trends can be found at IndieFilmHustle 

You have a script, you get a famous person attached, you find an investor, you make your movie, you sell your movie to a distributor, you have a big premiere at a theatre and walk the red carpet. EASY PEASY! Nice try, but that only works in the movies. I’ve been listening to podcasts about people (presumably like me) who went from being a nobody with nothing to a Hollywood Player. But when you get down into the real details of their stories, you find out there was a rich aunt or they have a relative in the business or SOMETHING that gives them a leg up. Sure, there are rags to riches stories, but the protagonists in those stories are usually young. They live in their car and eat ramen for a year before their first gig, etc. I’ve heard plenty of those stories. Not a whole lot of those stories involve anyone over the age of 40.

Making a movie is hard. If anyone tells you that making a movie is easy, they are either delusional or they suffered a major head trauma. People who make movies for a living do just that: make movies for a living. They don’t have day jobs and there is a reason for that. Making a movie is a full time project. At first you can do things in your spare time, absolutely. You can write the script on nights and weekends and things like that, but once you need to start making it, everything changes. There is a reason that the credits at the end of your favorite movie is a mile long, ten miles if it is an action film or animation.

Making a movie takes money. Filmmaking is one of, if not the most expensive of art forms. When someone tells you they need ONLY $250,000 to make their movie, trust me, that’s a bargain. As you well know, not everyone has a couple hundred grand kicking around to INVEST in a film…and that’s on the very low end. The ones that do have that kind of scratch kicking around don’t typically invest in two unknown middle-aged dudes with a script and a dream. It just doesn’t happen. So, in a lot of ways, Steve and I had already missed our opportunity to make a film.

Thank you, Technology?

Cameras are small, cheap(ish) and digital. It’s no longer huge film cameras with expensive film stock (sorry Kodak). That means that old guys like us have access to the quality stuff. That also means that EVERYONE has access to that gear! So there is a lot of noise now.  Tons of people are vying for their 15 million views. Kids want to be YouTube Stars and Instagram Influencers. Who doesn’t? I’d love for someone to pay me $10K just to post about how much I love their hemorrhoid cream (I’m taking meetings). So all of this means it is that much harder to stand out from the crowd. But maybe instead of trying to stand out from the world’s crowd, what if we just tried to stand out from our local crowd?

Home Town Heros?

We are not interested in “getting out of here” and making it in Hollyweird. I know, to some people that’s just crazy talk. But what if you could make a smaller, more localized movie and just stand out from the local crowd? This is what we want to do. But wait, there’s more! We’d not only love to create a local filmmaking business model that affords us the opportunity to crank out quality visual content, but we’d love to train more people to learn how. That too is a blog post for another day. We just want to tell visual stories as a day job. We don’t have to be big movie moguls, we just want to make our movies and help people follow their dreams, NBD.

Quitting Alcohol Is Why I’m Here!

It took me a while and a lot of transformation (and therapy) to get to where I am today and none of that would have been possible if I were still self medicating with alcohol. My stress was something I thought I should manage with vodka and beer. Learning about myself and learning better coping skills was what did the trick. I also used “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. It is a nice delve into the psychology of alcohol from a societal view that really enabled me to understand that I was just a victim of clever marketing and low self esteem. I thank my friends and family who came along with me to see me succeed and I am also thankful that I was able to disassociate myself with some very toxic people. Some people will hold you back and it is important for everyone to learn who those people are and to have the courage to walk away from them.

So Who Cares?

I care. Steve Cares. Our family and close friends care. It doesn’t matter if some blogger in LA cares. It doesn’t matter if a YouTube star or Influencer cares. We may be “over the hill” or something. But the point is, we didn’t listen to the people who thought we were crazy. We didn’t listen to the ones who told us we were doing it wrong. We aren’t working with the guys and girls who thought we were just a couple idiots trying to make some stupid movie. There are some people who may have refused to work with us because we didn’t have 1/2 the money in escrow or because we weren’t using an Arri camera. Those people won’t be with us when our dreams are a reality, but they will wish they were.

Peace and Love, always,

Fitz

What would I do if I had $100,000.00 in my bank account right now? I would make this movie. What am I going to do even if we don’t surpass $18,000.00? I’m still going to make this movie, because failure is when you give up…when you stop trying – and I’m not stopping.

We’ve been running a crowdfunding campaign for almost 60 days and have only gotten to $3,485 – as of this writing. That’s 3% of the goal! It is hard to not be frustrated and discouraged. In the past, this would send me on a downward spiral of negativity and self destruction. I’d probably start hitting the bottle a lot and getting angry while I watch posts from other local filmmakers as they make their dreams come true while mine withered and died. Thankfully, I am not in that place anymore. Since my sobriety, I have been able to walk away from that cycle and spin things to the positive side!

Our budget being around $100,000.00 allows us to hire and pay a small but capable crew to work on this film. The lower the money, the less we can do – obviously. Our smaller budget means we can’t afford an Art Department – that’s makeup, wardrobe and set design/decoration. So, anything that makes it into our film is what we all personally have. Like, furniture, pictures on the walls, fixtures – basically everything you see in a scene.

I was really hoping that we would raise all the money we needed to shoot this film the way we intended. It looks like that is not going to happen, which means Steve and I will have to wear a lot of hats on set. More me than Steve, though. As the Director, he needs to concentrate on the actors’ performances. I’ll concentrate on everything else.

So this is it. 4 Days left in our IndieGoGo campaign and then we’re moving forward with what we have. It’s going to be great! We’re staying positive and we’re going to document the ride for all to see. We know that this community can be a filmmaking community – so we’re going after it. See you on the other side. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER.

Fitz

Life is a marathon for sure. The Facebook Page Big Fit Deal ” is dedicated to helping everybody – and every body – find their fit. While we respect the right of every person to decide what to do with their body, this page will not engage in or promote pro-diet or intentional weight loss discussions.” I love this approach because we see “fat shaming” all the time in our society and often it is not obvious…or it is? Look at any diet or fitness page or advertisement and you will see perfectly sculpted bodies drinking their scientifically designed shakes and doing exercises with ease. They are happy and enjoying life as the beautiful perfect people that they are. HOGWASH. Hey, if you want to be “in shape” with a six pack and chiseled everything, more power to you! Some people don’t have the genetic makeup for that, period. I don’t have it! I tried and I got close but it just didn’t work for me. Personally, I gained all my weight back from drinking alcohol. It was a terrible period of self doubt and a deep feeling of insignificance that lead me to my binge. It lasted for several years and although there were times when I was able to put down the booze and pick up a protein shake, the monkey jumped back on me. I’ve finally beat it and that’s thanks to the support of my family and friends as well as the work of Annie Grace – you can see my interview with her on the podcast/webcast.

Let me get back to Big Fit Deal. They posted a link to a story about a woman who finished last in the Boston Marathon. She’s 46 and almost didn’t make it. It is a story about going after a goal with a laser focus and not giving up. There’s a lot more to her story and I’m not the one to relay the info here – but I wanted to use this posting as an example of why we need to pay attention to our society and what we idolize. My Facebook feed is lousy with ads hocking slimming shirts and other things to make people look like society thinks they should look. I am not going to tell someone that they are wrong if they want to lose weight or if they have a certain physical goal they wish to accomplish. I do want to tell people that they should go after whatever it is they want and not give up – regardless of what the onlookers say.

Is it a big deal that this woman finished the Boston Marathon? Absolutely! Everyone else went home – they were cleaning up the finish line. Her son was waiting there and she finally crossed the line. She did it! She cried tears of painful joy. This story touched me deeply because we all have our own personal Boston Marathon. Yours could be losing weight or quitting drinking or smoking. It could be auditioning for a play or trying to get that big client. Whatever your goal – make it your Boston Marathon – make sure you get to the finish line – and don’t listen to what people are saying about you.

Peace and Love, Always…

Fitz

Today it has been 30 days since I ingested the poison. Now, keep reading – I am not going to bash your beloved single malt or craft whatever. This is my understanding of what alcohol is at a chemical level. It is a highly addictive poison which is not good for any human. Historically, it was used to kill germs (antiseptic) and as a pain reliever – but they eventually found (arguably) better chemicals for that. Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace for the skinny on alcohol.

After 30 days I have logged how many times I really wanted a drink: 0. Absolutely a huge goose egg. I am amazed that I didn’t want a drink because I’ve had some not-so-stellar days here and there. It is the first time in recent years that I have not sought some kind of substance to ease my stress. Nearly everyone does it – but some people use healthy things like jogging or weight lifting to beat stress. Others like a glass or two of wine or a martini. Some like a few beers to unwind. I have now become privy to the fallacy therein.

Here’s what I have experienced:

• I have the ability to fix my own problems, rather than ignoring them or masking them with self-medication.
• My sleep has improved by leaps and bounds.
• I have the clarity of mind to remember things I was forgetting often.
• My brain is a wonderfully complex organ that has all of the power I require for everything life can throw at me.
• People are beautiful and I need to be more open to learning from each and every person I come in contact with on a daily basis.
• One thing at a time. In the past I have always attempted to fix everything all at once and then wondered why I fell flat on my face. It’s perfectly fine to focus on one thing and not move on until it is fixed.
• I have every right to be angry at things, but I have no right to affect others negatively because of that anger.
• I am so much more productive than I used to be, simply because I am not tired and feeling low.
• I am looking forward to how life will be tomorrow and 30 days from now and so on.

I am not going to be an evangelist for temperance. To each his or her own. But I can offer advice…and that advice is to quit drinking for 30 days and do an honest personal inventory.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate you.

Fitz