We’ve all known a Wormtongue. This is the person you’ve known for years or it is someone you barely know. A friend you’ve hung onto over the years for whatever the reason. Maybe this person was part of your “old crew” from when you were in your freewheeling younger days and he or she reminds you of the time when you didn’t have such responsibilities. Who knows, but we all know a Wormtongue. What is a Wormtongue? OK, I will explain for those of you not versed in the J.R.R. Tolkien character.

Who or What is a Wormtongue?

The name itself hints at something undesirable. Worm-tongue? Gross! Who would want a slimy slithering tongue? Nobody I would want to be close with. It seems like someone with that name would be bad for me. Correct. In the story, Grima Wormtongue was the King’s right-hand man. His advisor and confidant. He advised him on everything from how he felt about his own children to the laws of the land. Grima was an important man in the court of the King. The only problem was, he was a corrupted man. He became a spy for the Wizard Saruman and facilitated the possession of King Theoden. He whispered spells in the King’s ear until the King was compromised. He aged unnaturally fast. He looked sickly and lost his zest for life, his love for family and his honor. (Spoiler) Grima Wormtongue was eventually tossed out of the court and Galdalf the Wizard reversed Saruman’s spell of possession.

Now, think of the people in your life. Do you know a manipulative and negative person who whispers things in your ear that make you less than you wish to be? It gets better, because this person may not be whispering in your ear, but in the ears of others. He or she may be spreading lies about you because of some strange desire to destroy you. Or for a more Machiavellian desire to be powerful. This person is a Wormtongue for many others and has chosen you to be the subject of his or her spells…destroying relationships…your reputation. This person may also be telling you things about others in your life. Pitting you against them so there is tension and angst. These are Wormtongue’s Elixir of Life.

What Can You Do With Your Own Personal Wormtongue?

The most successful way to “cast out” this demon of manipulation is to confront it head-on. If your network of friends or co-workers clues you into the hissings and whispers of this nasty individual, you must face the demon. Your Wormtongue might advise you to hire an ape on your film crew. Would you listen? Of course not, so why listen to other things – like when your Wormtongue talks smack about a friend or colleague? I have a friend who is a very good guy and has had some bad luck. He has a Wormtongue who is manipulating others against him. Hopefully he will adress this person head-on and cast this person out. Wormtongues destroy your soul. Cast out your Wormtongue.

Yes, I just finished The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I don’t read anymore for so many reasons, so audiobooks are my thing. This one was narrated by Jeremy Irons! There is nothing like Scar from the Lion King reading you a bedtime story! I think my favorite part was when the Sun spoke with a Cockney-ish accent. So, holy carp man-bat!

So Fitz, What Did You Learn?

I knew this story before it unfolded. It was a lovely fable and very entertaining. Not sure if it was the writing, the reading or the wonderful mix of the two, but I loved it, despite it being predictable in places. The only reason why it was predictable to me is because I am very familiar with the concept that inspired the story. I read about it in Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I watched it in the documentary The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Though the steps and explanations may vary, it is still the story of following your “Personal Legend”, or your “Burning Desire”, or your “intentions”. These stories attempt to teach you to listen to the Universe – your God – your heart – whichever speaks to you. In The Alchemist, the Shepherd Boy seeks a treasure he dreams of. He learns many lessons along the way, each one leading to a new adventure and a new lesson. He applies what he learns and advances to the next step. As the reader/listener, you can pull any shiny nugget of wisdom that speaks to you. I found a few nuggets.

My nugget is my own, my precious.

I don’t need to tell you what my nuggets are. Frankly, few of you want to see my nuggets, (wink wink) – neither would I if I were you. BUT – now that we’re on the same dirty page, follow me into the Hobbit hole. I know the Universe wants very much to align me with my dreams. I know this, I can feel this – but it’s not a guarantee. I know that I must accomplish things, learn new lessons and follow the language of the world (nature?). I know that the answers are on the wind, in the sun’s light and in nature around me. There is no way to quiet my mind and completely stop thought. I will try instead, to focus that thought on the language of the world which is love. Once I am one with love, I can be one with my goals. I know, it sounds like a bunch of crap I got from a story about a kid who talks to sheep and searches the world for wine and falls in love with the first girl he finds in the desert. I jest, of course. The point is that the fear of the failure is worse than the failure itself. The failure will provide a new path and I must follow that path to the next failure, until I can hear and understand the omens and learn where my treasure truly exists.

That was fun! Plus, I had a great workout and run today. I was chased by a bat. I had no idea Fairport, NY was bat country!

Just to reiterate, I am writing for myself. Yeah, I could keep it in a journal on a drive that only I have access to, but I am naturally a glutton for  punishment. I also have some illusion that someone will take the time to read these and drop a nugget of good advice. I feel lost. I feel like I cannot see the forest for the trees.

There Is No Heading to This Paragraph

I’m the goof. I’m the clown. You need a quick joke – I’m your guy. I’m not the guy who can tweet wisdom and get likes and retweets. As a matter of fact, when I do tweet, even if I think it seems deep, nobody gives a shit. The fact is I’m a clown on a small radio station – and people listen to that for the music and not for my silly quips. I get that now. I am also cognizant of the fact that people close to me don’t care that I want to make a movie. I’ve “made movies” before and they have donated. Nobody has much faith in my skills to think that investing in a project I am putting my heart and soul into is worth it. It is a sobering thought and I have pondered its significance for a while.

I teeter back and forth between throwing in the towel and being a silent suburban automaton and actually “burning my ships” and going for it. I’ll mow my lawn twice per week; I’ll run out to get the mail moments after I hear the familiar groan of the mail truck; my garbage will be out on Wednesday evening, ready for an early Thursday morning pickup (unless there is a holiday that week – then we shift that to Thursday evening and Friday morning). Bored yet? NO? Great! It’s not a bad existence if that is what you want. It’s a trap, though. Humans were not designed for such a life. We were destined to appreciate the finer things in life. I don’t mean yachts and private jets or sports cars either. I mean love, friendship, joy, happiness, freedom of spirit. I mean the lack of real stress. Throw a rock and you will hit a guy or girl who has made millions telling people how they climbed out of their pit of debt and desperation. Imagine a life where you have your bills paid (or you don’t even have bills!). A life where, when you wake up, you can decide which adventure you’d like. How do you get there? I know the answer is slapping me in the face, but I am so numb from all the slapping, I cannot feel it. Kind of like not seeing the forest for the trees.

Being Creative Sucks

I think in pictures. I think in story. I think in terms of emotions. Logic is my enemy. I go with the gut so often and I never learn. I see a creative goal that I wish to achieve and I strive to achieve it. I have fallen flat so many times I’ve lost count, but I still try. This is to my detriment, unfortunately.

Holy Crap I Need To Write That As A Movie!

Easier said than done. I have creative ADD mixed with procrastination and pepper in some impatience laced with self-confidence issues. Yes, I am a God awful mess. I have had some glorious moments in the past, creatively, though they were so long ago, I cannot remember them. I think they were mostly musical – back when that was where my heart was.

It Started With A Stratocaster

When I was 18 my life drastically changed. Why? I followed my heart, unfortunately. Needless to say it changed and I had to continue down the path of wayward creation. My pal Denny and I started playing music together. I had a nice guitar and a crappy amp. He had a crappy drum set (it was mine, actually) but he was pretty good. He got great. Greater than great, actually. If you were to ask anyone from those days about Denny’s drum prowess, you would get a voluminous response. The kid has skills and he progressed exponentially. I was a self-taught (save for a few lessons) guitarist and what I lacked in technique I made up for in heart. We ended up playing some very interesting music together and I am proud of those days. Had I stuck with it, I am sure I would be a pretty damn good guitar player now. But….creative ADD strikes again!!

Is Blaming My Flakiness on Creativity a Cop-out?

Yes, yes it is. Unfortunately, it is also a golden rule for me. I’ve allowed my emotions to make decisions for me since I was 18 (maybe even earlier). Those decisions have proved to be about 50/50 successful. I guess that’s not bad for me. Thankfully, I have an understanding and loving family. I am referring to my parents and my two brothers, who have bailed me out of so many ‘tight spots’, that I cannot ask again. Also, I am 44 and should be able to bail others out of their tight spots. This is not the case, unfortunately.

This brings me to the present day. I often have my fingers in a handful of really cool and exciting projects, none of which materialize for a multitude of reasons. The main and most painful reason is that I am probably not talented enough to actually do them. Case in Point: “That is a great story, it would make a fantastic movie!”. I say this on so many occasions. I have notes and notes of the beginnings of great stories, no endings. Most don’t even have a middle. I guess that is why I’ve only ever completed short films. They all have surprise and abrupt endings too! Why? My ADD kicked in at some point and I devised a way to finish the script quickly.

I didn’t intend on this Blathering to be a Fitz-bashing.

But that’s how it ended up. I have had a tumultuous relationship with my wife and children since day one. My kids don’t know the difference, my daughter has all of my creative ADD, and I am excited and sorry for her at the same time. I have driven my wife mad over the years. That’s an understatement. Sometimes I think that the life I am living now is kind of like Jacobs’ Ladder. (Spoiler) this whole life is me on my deathbed because my wife murdered me in my sleep. I wouldn’t blame her. I am quite impressed that she has not covered my face with a pillow yet! I am pretty difficult to live with. I have few handy skills, even though my family is chock full of carpenters and contractors who can build you anything you want. Because of my ADD I can start projects and then get overwhelmed and move onto something that is more fulfilling. I’ve gotten better. I complete most home-related tasks these days.

If You’ve Made it This Far, You’re My Kind of Friend

Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent. I didn’t get to vent enough, but I should probably stop here. I have a show to do.

-Peace,

Fitz

“Desperation is a stinky cologne” – Chief Grady, Spurbury Police

I pride myself on how I smell. My wife often compliments my lack of odor even after a 30 minute run. You will be happy to learn that I did not plan on blathering about my musk, however I wanted to write about some sage advice I received yesterday after my scribble about optimism. Apparently I am trying so hard to bring about action that I might be pushing it away. I googled this concept and found a plethora of videos that spoke directly to single men about how trying to hard to get a date will most certainly result in the opposite. You’ve seen it, I am sure. Maybe, like me, you have been “that guy (or girl)”! Trying so hard to impress the opposite sex that you actually made sure that he or she would not touch you with a 3.5″ pole (Yes, I did). Looking back, when I finally gave into the translation of the Doris Day mantra of “What will be will be”, things lined up nicely.

Maybe God, Buddha, The Universe or Bob Marley

Whomever you follow, there is one rule: it happens when it happens. I’m not versed in the laws of Bob Marley, but The Universe as an intelligent power will deliver when it wishes and not a moment sooner. It’s similar to the chic restaurant popular with the Rochester upper crust: you get your dinner when they are good and ready to bring it out. You could go to a fast food chain and get it right away, but it is not necessarily better because it’s fast. Unless you really enjoy things that are bad for you. If you are one of those folks, I recommend Taco Bell. 🙂

Thanks to people who actually give a rat’s ass.

I appreciate my friends who took a few minutes to join my journey of catharsis. (Or is that through catharsis?) My determination to both reteach myself to write and stay motivated to improve myself artistically and professionally. I am 44 and I should have done this when I was 24. I started to, but so many things got in the way, like dreams that were not well-planned, distractions that were in liquid or smoke form and women. This was a fun process today because I learned a few things about myself that I already knew but didn’t want to remember. Specifically how much Taco Bell I used to eat and what that did to my digestive system.

Check out Bottom Feeders – my current “trying too hard” over-obsession
[vimeo 222292133 w=640 h=360]

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

When was the last time you decided you were going to accomplish a goal and really had no idea how you were going to accomplish it? Have you ever attempted such a daunting undertaking? It’s one thing to decide to lose 40lbs. or maybe get yourself out of debt. The tools on how to do it are right in front of you. Change your diet, exercise, send out resumes to get a new job, cut your spending, etc. Now, imagine you want to create something out of nothing and you need a shit-ton of money to make it happen, but you don’t have the money to do it and if you tried to save it up yourself you would be neglecting the family you support! Yes, I am talking about this movie again. I cannot stop talking about it because it is my “burning desire”. The biggest problem is we are constantly in a holding pattern for whatever reason. We’re always waiting on someone else. We’re waiting on “connections” to people who might have the means to invest in our film. We decided to finally put together a crowdfunding campaign and solicit friends and family and others for donations, but we are waiting on others for things we need to get it going. I have started working out, running and eating right again so I can get myself back to the healthy state I was in a few years ago. I quit drinking too. this is a big deal for me to do and I plan on sticking to this plan until I can fit into my 34″ waist pants again and not feel like an oaf when I get dressed up in buisiness attire.

I am really struggling to be positive here.

I get it, I really do. People have their own struggles to deal with and they don’t need to help every artist that comes groveling for funds. I know people who say: ‘Just make your movie, I did!” Most of them are in their 20’s, they are single with no kids and were smart about their credit cards. I am starting this journey at 44 years old, with 3 kids, a wife and a mountain of personal debt. Blah blah blah, I know. This doesn’t mean I missed my shot. I refuse to believe that. I go into each day focused on my goal and each day I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything. I have reached out to people for help, only to be brushed aside and not taken seriously. I have tried to ask professional people what they charge for their services, but the majority of them have not replied. There have been a handful of amazing people who have donated their time and expertise to this dream and they will not be forgotten. The others, the ones who don’t have the time for me now, they will want a job from me one day. I’ll be nice and hire them because I’m not a vindictive dick, but I will remind them and hope they change their ways.

Our Target Audience Loves the Teaser

We are making this movie for people our age (late 30’s-late 40’s) who are fans of kevin Smith. We wanted to produce a film that was a throwback to the 90’s indie scene and thumb our nose at the big budget reboots. We posted our teaser in a Facebook group devoted to Kevin Smith fans and they all seemed genuinely interested. Two of our cast members have a direct line to the man himself, so it is not impossible that he sees this and perhaps takes interest. Yes, it is a long shot, but what the heck, I’m not getting any younger.

Ok, I wrote this to make myself feel better. I have to do a radio show now.

Reach out to invest in the movie. At the very least you’ll get your money back and help start a momentum that will pay you dividends for years to come.

[vimeo 222292133 w=640 h=360]

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

The power to focus one’s mind on a singular goal is essential to success. I’ve read this in so many self-help books from Napoleon Hill to Denis Waitley. If I had the power to explode someone’s head, I am not positive I would use it. ( I am also not positive I would NOT use it – so there’s that.) I am pretty sure I have an ADD-ish brain, so my thoughts switch as often as I blink, or close to it anyway. I have been focusing on the $250K that we need to raise to make Bottom Feeders. I’ve visualized friends approaching me, wishing to invest because they know I am a talented guy and I am due. I have visualized Kevin Smith himself catching wind of this movie and offering to put it out as a new View Askew production. I have visualized so many scenarios and none of them are taking shape. I know that the Universe aligns itself with one’s consistent thoughts and positive emotions (at least that is how I understand the Law of Attraction) but I think I need to focus on one scenario. We need $250K to make this film, so we can start momentum and make more films and keep making films in Rochester, NY. I want to start a mentorship program so that others can follow in our footsteps and make filmmaking accessible to anyone. Currently, if you want to make a movie the right way, you need seasoned professionals. Those people have families to feed and they don’t work for free. Some of them have helped me out and I have promised to get this momentum going so they will have more work. I need your help. I need investors. This film is going to be great.

If you want to master the process of meditation, which is key to the success of attracting what you want, you should check out this article.

UPDATE 7-7-19: We have not gotten to 250K but I will admit I have failed in my visualization exercises. We are trying to raise at least 100K now and there is about one week left as of this update. We can still make this movie even if we only reach $30K. Donate here: https://igg.me/at/bottomfeedersmovie/x/100286#/

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

If you take the time to read my daily blatherings, you will discover that I absolutely love the Princess Bride. The story is an allegory for everything in life ever. Hyperbole? Maybe, but I have found so many lessons weaved throughout the story that the author and screenwriter William Goldman is, in my opinion a prophet of biblical proportions.

For those of you NOT familiar with this story (gasp) I will explain – no there is no time, let me sum up: Inigo Montoya spends his entire life (since he was a young boy) searching for the 6 fingered man – who we discover is Count Rugen – Prince Humperdink’s toadie. Inigo studies sword fighting so that when we finally finds the Count, he can dispatch him for the murder of his beloved father, a swordmaker. Spoiler Alert: be it luck, divine intervention or Miracle Max, he finds the Count and kills him. Then he doesn’t know what to do, since revenge was his only goal. He had no plans for after he achieved his life’s quest! Here is where Inigo and I part ways.

What Is Your Freaking Point, Fitz?

I see you are impatient. You have many more posts to like or comment on, so I will try and wrap this up. Inigo Montoya is to Revenge as I am to making my first feature film: BOTTOM FEEDERS But I have a plan for after I make it: MAKE MORE MOVIES! I am not going to give up – even if I don’t know a “money guy” or any “money guys”. Even if I live paycheck to paycheck and work as many jobs as I can to support my family. I have over 1,000 “friends” on Facebook – and if each one of them loaned me $250 I could make this movie. YES! I know that is an insanely simplistic and unrealistic way to look at it, but I am just as dedicated to my goal as Inigo was to slaying his father’s murderer. I even had an idea on how I could make it worth it for the community to help. I will write about that tomorrow. But for now, I am seeking, luck, Divine intervention or maybe even Miracle Max – could that be you? 🙂 

Consider being my Miracle Max. (I’ll Pay You back and then some)

Here is what are film is about:
[vimeo 222292133 w=640 h=360]

Bottom Feeders (Teaser 2017) from Loose Screw Productions on Vimeo.

I had an interesting weekend. On Saturday, I shot some video with a guy who makes really nice ladders for cats. You can see his products here: http://catladder.com/ After that, I helped my daughter with her cookie/lemonade/bracelet stand in our driveway. The rest of my Saturday was pretty uneventful. Sunday I thought it would be a great idea to go to the Corn Hill Arts Festival in the lovely Corn Hill neighborhood of Rochester. I’ve never gone to this festival and it was chock full of cool things. We met Senator Chuck Schumer, we had delicious food and checked out some art, live music and ran into some good friends. There was one situation that really ruined the near-perfect day for us: An old curmudgeon posing as an artist. He yelled at them then yelled at me – telling me I should “Raise my kids better” or something. I don’t even want to rehash it. I immediately went on social media, calling him out. I’ve since deleted all of the posts and tweets for various reasons. One reason was I don’t want anyone seeing his name. I don’t want anyone knowing he exists. Another reason was I chose this opportunity to teach my kids about forgiveness and ignorance. I explained that we didn’t know what kind of day he’s had. We cannot know what kind of life he’s had for that matter. So although he was quick to judge us, I was not going to do the same. On-air today, I forgave him. He is a nasty old man for whatever reasons and the kids need to learn how to deal with that kind of ignorance and move on. He doesn’t deserve any space in our lives. Also, his art is terrible. 😉

I started running again yesterday. Traditionally, I really abhore running. More to the point ALMOST anything that gets my heart rate up, I’m not a huge fan of. Wink wink, nudge nudge, SAY NO MORE! Anywho – I started running yesterday morning and I ran this morning. I am actually starting to like it. I’m not sure how long it will last, but maybe I will actually get back into good shape – which will really help my self-confidence. I am horribly self-confident and timid, but last year I was in really good shape and this affected everything in my life. I lost that slowly because I fell off the happy truck into the Pit of Despair. But, that is ending.

Have you seen the teaser for our film? We shot a bunch of modified scenes from our film Bottom Feeders and cut them together like a trailer for a movie that was already produced. We’re actively seeking investors who want to be on our team and make a movie. It is a throwback/homage to the dialogue-driven films of Kevin Smith. I posted the teaser in a Facebook Group that is dedicated to Smith and it has been very well received. So, that was a real positive development. If you are interested in learning about the ROI and what we plan on doing with this film, please reach out. Tomorrow, I will write about the Catch-22 of making a movie when you are just starting out.