I’m 47 years old. I have three teenagers. I host an early morning radio show. I have no money. Sure, I can pay my bills and find ways to pay for my kids’ extracurriculars. I started a business in 2018 and threw myself in a little more debt, because I’ve always dreamed of owning my own business. Although I am super busy and financially bipolar, I decided that now was the time to make a feature comedy about two guys half my age doing things I’d now be too tired to do. My story is not unique, because I have a friend named Steve Miller and he was in a similar boat. He boarded the boat a few years before me, having turned the big five-oh in December, 2019.
Not everyone experiences a mid-life crisis. Typically, guys our age are looking to buy those expensive toys to help them recapture their youth. I’ve seen dudes my age tooling around in a new sports car or dropping a brand new speed boat into Irondequoit Bay. Hunting trips, golf trips, buddy trips to Daytona, Bristol or even the Super Bowl, if they have the scratch. Steve and I? Nah. Let’s make a feature film – yeah! No problem! This road started in 2016 and we’re almost at the finish line.
Is it Too Late for Us?
The movie industry is changing, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed. Movie theatre ticket sales are threatened by the streaming platforms like Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video and Disney Plus. The major studios are getting into the game too; better late than never! The old distribution model is also on its way out for us indie filmmakers. That is an entirely different post and more info about the industry trends can be found at IndieFilmHustle
You have a script, you get a famous person attached, you find an investor, you make your movie, you sell your movie to a distributor, you have a big premiere at a theatre and walk the red carpet. EASY PEASY! Nice try, but that only works in the movies. I’ve been listening to podcasts about people (presumably like me) who went from being a nobody with nothing to a Hollywood Player. But when you get down into the real details of their stories, you find out there was a rich aunt or they have a relative in the business or SOMETHING that gives them a leg up. Sure, there are rags to riches stories, but the protagonists in those stories are usually young. They live in their car and eat ramen for a year before their first gig, etc. I’ve heard plenty of those stories. Not a whole lot of those stories involve anyone over the age of 40.
Making a movie is hard. If anyone tells you that making a movie is easy, they are either delusional or they suffered a major head trauma. People who make movies for a living do just that: make movies for a living. They don’t have day jobs and there is a reason for that. Making a movie is a full time project. At first you can do things in your spare time, absolutely. You can write the script on nights and weekends and things like that, but once you need to start making it, everything changes. There is a reason that the credits at the end of your favorite movie is a mile long, ten miles if it is an action film or animation.
Making a movie takes money. Filmmaking is one of, if not the most expensive of art forms. When someone tells you they need ONLY $250,000 to make their movie, trust me, that’s a bargain. As you well know, not everyone has a couple hundred grand kicking around to INVEST in a film…and that’s on the very low end. The ones that do have that kind of scratch kicking around don’t typically invest in two unknown middle-aged dudes with a script and a dream. It just doesn’t happen. So, in a lot of ways, Steve and I had already missed our opportunity to make a film.
Thank you, Technology?
Cameras are small, cheap(ish) and digital. It’s no longer huge film cameras with expensive film stock (sorry Kodak). That means that old guys like us have access to the quality stuff. That also means that EVERYONE has access to that gear! So there is a lot of noise now. Tons of people are vying for their 15 million views. Kids want to be YouTube Stars and Instagram Influencers. Who doesn’t? I’d love for someone to pay me $10K just to post about how much I love their hemorrhoid cream (I’m taking meetings). So all of this means it is that much harder to stand out from the crowd. But maybe instead of trying to stand out from the world’s crowd, what if we just tried to stand out from our local crowd?
Home Town Heros?
We are not interested in “getting out of here” and making it in Hollyweird. I know, to some people that’s just crazy talk. But what if you could make a smaller, more localized movie and just stand out from the local crowd? This is what we want to do. But wait, there’s more! We’d not only love to create a local filmmaking business model that affords us the opportunity to crank out quality visual content, but we’d love to train more people to learn how. That too is a blog post for another day. We just want to tell visual stories as a day job. We don’t have to be big movie moguls, we just want to make our movies and help people follow their dreams, NBD.
Quitting Alcohol Is Why I’m Here!
It took me a while and a lot of transformation (and therapy) to get to where I am today and none of that would have been possible if I were still self medicating with alcohol. My stress was something I thought I should manage with vodka and beer. Learning about myself and learning better coping skills was what did the trick. I also used “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. It is a nice delve into the psychology of alcohol from a societal view that really enabled me to understand that I was just a victim of clever marketing and low self esteem. I thank my friends and family who came along with me to see me succeed and I am also thankful that I was able to disassociate myself with some very toxic people. Some people will hold you back and it is important for everyone to learn who those people are and to have the courage to walk away from them.
So Who Cares?
I care. Steve Cares. Our family and close friends care. It doesn’t matter if some blogger in LA cares. It doesn’t matter if a YouTube star or Influencer cares. We may be “over the hill” or something. But the point is, we didn’t listen to the people who thought we were crazy. We didn’t listen to the ones who told us we were doing it wrong. We aren’t working with the guys and girls who thought we were just a couple idiots trying to make some stupid movie. There are some people who may have refused to work with us because we didn’t have 1/2 the money in escrow or because we weren’t using an Arri camera. Those people won’t be with us when our dreams are a reality, but they will wish they were.
Eureka! This is an exclamation of joy or satisfaction when someone realizes something. This happened to me while I was meditating this morning. I started meditating yesterday and I don’t know what I am doing. Right now, I take deep breaths and when I exhale, I imagine all of the stress and negativity that may be in me is expelled, as though it were smoke. It dissipates in the room and I take another breath. Each one is cleansing and as I fill my lungs, I imagine that life-giving air is absorbing any and all bad things, like a fluid sponge. I also started stretching yesterday – which I also did this morning. I am so horribly out of shape and stiff that I felt enough was enough. I started stretching and meditating in an attempt to change my habits. It is hard to quiet my mind, it’s just a torrent of thoughts with voices and memories, reflections of things I’ve said from all throughout my life. Imagine walking into a crowded room where everyone is talking – that’s my mind! Scary, isn’t it?
This morning I sat with my meditation music (a playlist on Spotify) playing off my phone, the living room heater on and the cats running around the house like maniacs – they had just inhaled their breakfast. I try to get myself into an attitude of gratitude. I try to think of all the things I am thankful for: my family, my home, my….holy crap! That’s when it hit me and all the voices in the crowded room that is my mind cried out, “Eureka!”
As I was listing the things I am grateful for, something incredible dawned on me: ALL OF MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE.
I have a family: check
I have a house: check
I live in a place that has 4 real seasons: check
I do a morning radio show: check
I have voice tracked radio shows in other markets: check
I have my own studio: check
I have my own business: check
I am making movies: check
I was seriously blown away because I have had so many dreams of all of these things, but never at the same time. I remember when I wanted so badly to do radio, it was all I could think of. I remember seeing hosts with shows in many other states and how cool it would be.
While living in Florida and working my first professional job, I was trapped. It was always hot and I was in a prison of a job. I would watch movies and in those movies people lived lives they enjoyed. They were quite happy dressing warm in the winter and loved what they did for a living. They would come home to their family and enjoy life. I was so depressed from my position in life and all I wanted to do was create for a living. I wanted to make other people laugh and to think and to reflect on their own lives and appreciate what they had. I was so depressed that I slowly fell into a spiral of drugs and alcohol. I never sold my TV to get high or any of the other stereotypes, but I still felt empty inside unless I had a buzz. I lived that life for 16 years.
During the time I was struggling, there were patches of happiness. Those came in the form of my wife, Kelly and my kids. But there was still the darkness – the emptiness, the sadness and I could not fix it. I chose to drown it instead.
Today is a fantastic day because I am no longer caught in the grips of that sadness and it is so easy to maintain an attitude of gratitude. I have movie projects in the works and although each day has challenges, I can face them with joy in my heart. I really hope this happens to you, because I am ecstatic.
Thank you for reading this article! As you probably know, I am producing a comedy titled “Bottom Feeders”, originally written by Steve Miller some 20 years ago and then we tag-teamed the rewrites. It’s a silly comedy about two guys trying to hang onto their college days – living in Mom’s basement, drinking beer, being generally irresponsible. You know these guys, heck, you might have even been one of these guys! People need to laugh and this film will do it. I will admit, it does not carry some ultra-important social message about race or sexism or any topic that is popular in today’s dialogue – well, not entirely. It’s in there but you have to really extract the meaning – because these guys are not role models and it is very clear in this film. But WHY does it NEED to be made? Because it is the first step. This is the film that can show what we can do as filmmakers. We’re trying to make this film for less than $50,000.00 but we want it to look like we spend hundreds of thousands making it.
We get this film done and we get it seen by people. We make them laugh and entertain them for 90 minutes or so. What’s next? Finding funding for a film is not an easy task! If you’re friends with me you have seen firsthand the groveling and begging for money that I’ve done. In a perfect filmmaking world, as a Writer/Director I would work with a Producer who has a group of people who want to invest their money in movies. Those producers don’t work with unknown filmmakers – so that’s why we NEED to make this one first. It is a simple story with simple scenes – which is how we can keep the costs low. But when you see how good it looks and how the unknown actors really kill their parts, then you would think to yourself, “Self, imagine the kind of film these guys could make with a real budget!”.
The real budget (which in my mind is $250K and up) can hire all the crew needed, can afford A-List actors who have a box office draw and international recognition. That’s the magic formula for making movies – or at least one of the magic formulas.
I just wanted to explain this idea to you. because from the outside looking in it must be odd to see me trying so hard to make a movie when we don’t have the money. It’s a chicken and egg conundrum: you need the money to make a good film, but you cannot get the money until you make a good film. Sometimes you need the help of family and friends and some people who believe in you so you can just make it past that first speed bump. By the way, that’s the speed bump that keeps most people out of the filmmaking business.
I want this so bad I am not taking no for an answer. Here’s what we have planned for future projects: (All of these will be produced right here in Rochester and the greater Western NY region)
A Baseball film with real social/historical message.
A spirituality film centered around redemption and antisemitism.
More comedies.
We need $25,000.00 to make this film. Maybe that’s 5 people who chip in/invest $5,000.00 or one angel investor/benefactor who covers it all.
I’ve been a movie-buff ever since I was 3 years old and I was quoting from Mel Brooks’s masterpiece, Young Frankenstein, “What’re you doing in the bathroom day and night? Get out and give someone else a chance!” Of course the epic quote by the late great Marty Feldman. But this goes beyond movie-buffdom, it goes deeper. My Aunt Marian used to quote that all the time and I copied her, without knowing what it was. It wasn’t for many years after that I saw the film – then I was hooked!
When I was 12 I spent a few weeks with my Godmother, Marian. My mother’s younger sister and the hellraiser of the family. She was a maverick, she spoke her mind and didn’t let people take advantage of her. But she was a softy and had a heart of gold. That was when Back to The Future was big. I was fascinated with Marty’s JVC camcorder. I wanted to get one for myself so I could make my own movies. Aunt Marian would have bought me one, but back then they were very expensive. Aunt Marian always told me to go after my dreams.
In 2012 I was making my short film “Step 9”. My mother had flown up from Florida to watch my kids because my wife Kelly was the female lead, so we both had to be on set. Mom was nervous because Aunt Marian took a turn for the worse just days before. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and it quickly spread to her brain. It was a tough weekend…she passed away while we were shooting. My mom had to leave and fly to Long Island. I dedicated “Step 9” to her and I promised her spirit I would make my movies. She knew we were shooting a film while she was in the hospital. I loved her like she was my second mom.
So, Aunt Marian is always in my mind when I am focused on making this movie, because this one is the first one. All of my filmmaking friends who have made multiple feature films tell me that you have to get the first one done, no matter what.
So, that is just a little background into one of the major factors that drives me. I won’t give up on this dream and I appreciate you for reading this and supporting this project.
Rule #1 in life should be: If you didn’t learn anything today, you’re doing it wrong! I don’t care if you are at the top of your field and there is literally NOTHING else about the tech or industry you can learn – look harder, because there is. Whether it is simply looking at something from a different point of view or meeting someone new in your industry and learning how THEY do things. It is all worthy of your attention.
Better yet, how about learning how to be a human? The moment you get it all figured out and can operate at 100% perfect humanity, you had better let the rest of us know – because I think it is evolving faster than you can adapt. That in mind, you must always be learning something.
I Learned Something Yesterday!
What say you, Fitz? I learned how I shouldn’t let some little things affect my big picture. Yeah, it is not a revolutionary thought and perhaps you learned that when you were popping pimples in study hall! Well, I am new at this whole “growth” concept. I got all bent out of shape because a prospective client canceled their studio tour with no explanation. I was crestfallen! This actually was the company I thought of first for my services, even before I opened my business, so the thought of them coming in and checking out my wares was very exciting. A few other little things happened to me yesterday and I was starting to lose my positive glow. That was a huge mistake!
I got it back with a little meditation. I put on some great meditation music (for me it is a film score playlist on Spotify) and in a few minutes I had my center back. Let me tell you – if you have not tried this, do yourself a favor. Go out to your car or lock yourself in the bathroom for 5-10 minutes and focus on your breathing…it really helps. Think about your goals – live in the moment – feel the emotions as if you have already accomplished whatever it is you want to achieve. Oh it is so transformative.
If you didn’t know about this – you just learned something! At the very least, you learned that I like Film Scores on Spotify!
You have a script, you get a famous person attached, you find an investor, you make your movie, you sell your movie to a distributor, you have a big premiere at a theatre and walk the red carpet. EASY PEASY! Nice try, but that only works in the movies. I’ve been listening to podcasts about people (presumably like me) who went from being a nobody with nothing to a Hollywood Player. But when you get down into the real details of their stories, you find out there was a rich aunt or they have a relative in the business or SOMETHING that gives them a leg up. Sure, there are rags to riches stories, but the protagonists in those stories are usually young. They live in their car and eat ramen for a year before their first gig, etc. I’ve heard plenty of those stories. Not a whole lot of those stories involve anyone over the age of 40. 
Kids want to be YouTube Stars and Instagram Influencers. Who doesn’t? I’d love for someone to pay me $10K just to post about how much I love their hemorrhoid cream (I’m taking meetings). So all of this means it is that much harder to stand out from the crowd. But maybe instead of trying to stand out from the world’s crowd, what if we just tried to stand out from our local crowd?
But wait, there’s more! We’d not only love to create a local filmmaking business model that affords us the opportunity to crank out quality visual content, but we’d love to train more people to learn how. That too is a blog post for another day. We just want to tell visual stories as a day job. We don’t have to be big movie moguls, we just want to make our movies and help people follow their dreams, NBD.
We aren’t working with the guys and girls who thought we were just a couple idiots trying to make some stupid movie. There are some people who may have refused to work with us because we didn’t have 1/2 the money in escrow or because we weren’t using an Arri camera. Those people won’t be with us when our dreams are a reality, but they will wish they were.
But this goes beyond movie-buffdom, it goes deeper. My Aunt Marian used to quote that all the time and I copied her, without knowing what it was. It wasn’t for many years after that I saw the film – then I was hooked!
I wanted to get one for myself so I could make my own movies. Aunt Marian would have bought me one, but back then they were very expensive. Aunt Marian always told me to go after my dreams.
