Tag: positivity

Life is a marathon for sure. The Facebook Page Big Fit Deal ” is dedicated to helping everybody – and every body – find their fit. While we respect the right of every person to decide what to do with their body, this page will not engage in or promote pro-diet or intentional weight loss discussions.” I love this approach because we see “fat shaming” all the time in our society and often it is not obvious…or it is? Look at any diet or fitness page or advertisement and you will see perfectly sculpted bodies drinking their scientifically designed shakes and doing exercises with ease. They are happy and enjoying life as the beautiful perfect people that they are. HOGWASH. Hey, if you want to be “in shape” with a six pack and chiseled everything, more power to you! Some people don’t have the genetic makeup for that, period. I don’t have it! I tried and I got close but it just didn’t work for me. Personally, I gained all my weight back from drinking alcohol. It was a terrible period of self doubt and a deep feeling of insignificance that lead me to my binge. It lasted for several years and although there were times when I was able to put down the booze and pick up a protein shake, the monkey jumped back on me. I’ve finally beat it and that’s thanks to the support of my family and friends as well as the work of Annie Grace – you can see my interview with her on the podcast/webcast.

Let me get back to Big Fit Deal. They posted a link to a story about a woman who finished last in the Boston Marathon. She’s 46 and almost didn’t make it. It is a story about going after a goal with a laser focus and not giving up. There’s a lot more to her story and I’m not the one to relay the info here – but I wanted to use this posting as an example of why we need to pay attention to our society and what we idolize. My Facebook feed is lousy with ads hocking slimming shirts and other things to make people look like society thinks they should look. I am not going to tell someone that they are wrong if they want to lose weight or if they have a certain physical goal they wish to accomplish. I do want to tell people that they should go after whatever it is they want and not give up – regardless of what the onlookers say.

Is it a big deal that this woman finished the Boston Marathon? Absolutely! Everyone else went home – they were cleaning up the finish line. Her son was waiting there and she finally crossed the line. She did it! She cried tears of painful joy. This story touched me deeply because we all have our own personal Boston Marathon. Yours could be losing weight or quitting drinking or smoking. It could be auditioning for a play or trying to get that big client. Whatever your goal – make it your Boston Marathon – make sure you get to the finish line – and don’t listen to what people are saying about you.

Peace and Love, Always…

Fitz

Excuse me while I blather a bit about regrets. Imagine regrets are a distant land about the size of Northern Uganda – maybe Southern, I’m not sure about the exact geographic scale, but let’s say it’s bigger than your backyard. This land called Regrets has a king, his name is Fitz. He rules with an iron conscience and doesn’t let any of his subjects out. He keeps them there and it makes his country too much to manage, so he often falls apart. OK, I’ll admit that metaphoric scenario was a bit convoluted, but I think you get the picture. My point to all of this is, don’t be King Fitz (I kind of like the sound of that King part).

“Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention”

Old Blue Eyes had it right. Too few to mention is a great goal. I always wondered if I really thought about my regrets, how many of them I could write down.

1. Dropping out of Camp Challenge, Fort Knox Kentucky.
2. Dropping out of New Mexico Military Institute.
3. Experimenting with hallucinogens.
4. Not taking college more seriously.
5. Putting my music “career” before learning.
6. Letting my first boss run my life.
7. Not recognizing my lack of self control.
8. Allowing my self confidence to make my decisions.
9. Allowing self doubt to make my decisions.
10. Allowing my regrets to run my life.

I think these are my top 10. There are a bunch of little ones – mostly based around drunken statements or actions. I’ve remedied that by giving up the sauce – and that has not been an easy road…but I am not doing it alone.

Take it from me, kids: regrets have the power to give you concrete boots and make you swim with the fishes. (They can really bog you down). You need to work through those regrets via therapy or some kind of meditation….something.  I am doing it by writing – by BLATHERING! I think I’ll write out my demons for all the world to read. Writing helps me feel better and maybe one day I can get through my day with no regrets.

You’ve heard the statement: “It’s business, not personal.” Mostly when it comes to mob-hits or something like that, right? Well, sometimes the line between business and personal is not just blurred, it is INVISIBLE! One of the hardest situations to navigate is when you are rejected at a professional level – by someone you know personally. I have a huge character flaw which causes me to take almost everything personally. Yes, I’m owning that and yes, I am classifying it as a character flaw. I really admire anyone who can let criticism roll off their back like kool-aid off a duck’s briefcase. Botched similes aside, I have recently had to deal with feeling slighted and disrespected professionally, but I am POSITIVE that it is not a personal slight – but it sure does feel like it. Example:  someone I know had an appointment with me, but then had a “scheduling issue”, but ended up on social media with my competition. Did he not think I would see it? He was just doing his thing and probably doesn’t know he has disrespected me. To his credit, it is not something someone in his position would really know off the bat. BUT – I still feel the way I do and it is really difficult to shake it off. I want to confront him about it – but that would be petty and unprofessional. I have to just LET IT GO.

Have you ever experienced something like this before? I am really pulling from deep within myself to capture my positivity and counteract these dark feelings. I have to convince myself that this is business and not personal. As a small business owner, if someone doesn’t choose my service, it is really hard to wonder if they passed me up because I didn’t measure up. Sadly, that’s how I think – and I am trying to break that habit. If you have ever felt that way – let’s break that habit together.

Owning a small business based on some form of creativity makes it automatically a personal process to some extent. But not taking things personally means you must separate yourself from the business – in some way. I am working towards that end goal. I remind myself that I have a lot to offer my clients and that others are more interested in their own agenda to really consider my personal feelings. So – it really isn’t personal – it is just business. There – I got through it.

Peace and Love, always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com

Being thoughtful – truly thoughtful, is a real artform that so very many people just don’t understand. Being thoughtful isn’t just remembering a birthday or wedding anniversary. Being thoughtful is bringing someone a pink carnation on their birthday because they once told you about how much they love pink carnations. Thoughtfulness, in my opinion, is going that extra step to really get through the N.O.I.S.E.

N.O.I.S.E.  is anything that qualifies as the following descriptives: (Needless – Ostentatious – Insensitive – Senseless – Expletives). Nasty comments, people who are just promoting a Ray Ban Sunglasses Sale or their skincare products, folks who have nothing to offer to the conversation in a meaningful way. You know those people. So, how do you get through them on the Friend-Books and Twissler tweets? Just make a personal connection to the person you are trying to engage with. Instead of “Happy Birthday”, I like to post something more personal. “Happy Birthday, Tom – hope you get that rash cleared up soon!” Well, maybe not THAT personal, but you get the idea.

In the workplace, it is also taking an extra step to break out from the pack and take the lead. I have encountered many people throughout my career who were not very good at their jobs, but they went over and above to be courteous and respectful – even NICE! Those are the people who, despite their professional shortcomings, held onto their positions and even advanced in the company – because their attitudes allowed people to take an interest in their professional education. As a manager, I am far more likely to take extra time with the person who just can’t get it right but is always smiling, as opposed to the joker who does the absolute minimum and talks smack about the guy in shipping with the lazy eye.

Be authentic. Be thoughtful. Be positive. Be the ball.

Peace and Love, always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com

Today I learned about the Impostor Syndrome. I could easily identify with it because I have been afflicted with it for years. Simply stated, the Impostor Syndrome is when you fear that others will discover that you are really a fraud and don’t deserve your success. You’ve been “faking your way to fame and fortune” this entire time and someone is bound to discover that you are not that talented, you don’t know enough to be where you are and that you are a total fake – a fraud. This is a real psychological condition that has been and is still being studied.  I’ve always had this complex – but it intensified when I started working in radio full-time. I think it can be a blessing of sorts.

I would (and still do ) get all awkward when someone refers to me as a “celebrity” because I’m on the radio. I am always quick to scoff at that idea. Although it is not entirely untrue, it is a gross overstatement for certain. There are other personalities that are celebrities in this town. I am only a celebrity when compared to others who are not in some form of the public eye. I have friends in the business who are actual celebrities – well, at least in Rochester, NY or the surrounding areas. The funny thing is that I know some celebs who act like they are superstars and some superstars who are the most down to earth people on the planet.

I think having some variation of the Impostor Syndrome makes us humble and real. I think it has to be a superficial syndrome, though. I have a real problem with my own Impostor Syndrome making me feel unworthy of anything and having a low self-esteem…which I am working on. But having an outward version of this could be helpful in making you more approachable and humble – essentially making you a better leader.  You know?

For me, I have to beat my own version of the Impostor Syndrome – which is the “Holy Crap I suck” Syndrome. But, I am working on that. I have made tons of mistakes in the past and I am not going to beat myself up over them. At the same time I want to always remain humble and approachable. When my success reaches the inevitable heights that I expect they will and people come up to me on the streets asking me how I became so freaking awesome, I want to be able to remain humble. 🙂

Peace and Love, Always…
Fitz

Maybe I am just in a funk, but it seems like each and every morning starts out OK, but then I sink into a feeling of despair that I have to really work at shaking off. Why? I really have no idea. Well, maybe I have an idea after all. You see, I really love what I do on a daily basis. I love doing radio, I love doing Voice Overs, I love editing audio and video and recording podcasts. I love solving technical problems with little resources because it challenges me to think and utilize my 25 years of troubleshooting experience. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to simply throw money at a problem, but I have never really worked in an environment where that was possible. I even worked for a Fortune 500 company whose CEO owned a basketball team, but even there, we had to make due with less than what we really needed. That has never changed in my professional life. I had only one job where they had the best tools for the job – and I was laid off 11 months after I started because of a great recession.

I’m going to stay positive with this article because – well, I really have to. In trying to create a positivity-based life, I must always see the forest through the trees. So, I am going to speak directly to the Managers who might be reading this. Are you a team leader or department head? Did you know that you and people like you in every single industry in this country control the mental and emotional well-being of the working class of this country? Some would argue with me, but getting down to the brass tax ask this question: How many people had a bad day at work because of their boss or supervisor? How many of those people end up with stress related illness like insomnia, anxiety, depression, obesity and high blood pressure? Do I have the science? Not in front of me – but I have been there, so I have my own anecdotal evidence. Plus, it is a darn good hunch.

If you are a manager, do this country a favor and compliment your employees. Tell them they are doing a good job. For the ones who are not, find at least one thing they are doing right and build on that. Build them up, don’t knock them down. The best leaders want good things for their team. Are you afraid one of your staff might take your job one day? Then do your job better instead of holding them down.

There is nothing more crushing in a job when you feel that your management doesn’t care about you. I know what that’s like. I am no stranger to being treated like a warm body in a seat. Made to feel that I am no more special than the guy who served me a coffee in the cafe, and if asked, he would do my job just as good.

Managers – you can change the emotional landscape of this country. You can help make people feel good about a day’s work. The big question is will you? The bigger question can be, why wouldn’t you? Because if you don’t treat your team with respect, then you don’t deserve to lead them.

Lead by respect and example or find another gig.

Ok, thanks for letting me blather.

Peace and Love, Always…

Fitz

I could stand to lose 40lbs. That would put me down to about 175lbs. I was 174 in October of 2015 after I did a crash diet through the radio station. It wasn’t the first time I was down that low in my adult life either! I was down to 174 in late 2009 after I started getting really into fitness and nutrition. I could have stayed fit and healthy of body, but I was not healthy of mind. So, here’s the rabbit hole:

The Rabbit Hole – Read This and You Will Know Me Better Than Most People Do

I was unhappy in my life for so many reasons. I was laid off from my job in 2008 and then less than 2 years later was forced into freelance status by my employer. Now, a freelancer by definition means you are free to work for whomever you wish, yet this guy insisted that I could only “freelance” for him. So, what that meant was that he wanted me to be a part-time employee but not have to pay me through the payroll. We had a falling out and so I was without any employment for a short time. Because of this development, I was forced to stay home with the kids. Let’s see, this was 2010, so I had a 7 year old, a 6 year old recently diagnosed with Autism and a 3 year old. I was not happy about it. 

My early adult years were mired in mental and emotional abuse. I have always been an insecure person, but I have always known that I possessed great talents. One thing that has always kept me from having the confidence I needed to succeed was my weight. I’ve been “husky” since I was about 10 or 11. Often times I was treated like “Verne’ in Stand By Me. My neighborhood “friends” in elementary and middle school were not very loyal to me. I had a couple of good friends in middle school – really good people. Like Stand By Me, we drifted apart…thankfully none of them were knifed in a fast-food restaurant. Fast forward to my adult years – my first professional job was so demanding that it really did a number on my psyche. It was very much like the film Office Space.

I had a super-ambitious boss and I learned a lot from him. The most important lesson I learned from him was how to be an effective manager: I basically do the opposite of everything he did. He used to call me a fat bastard. He used to hold me to higher standards than anyone ever did. He used to put me in charge and then have underlings check on me behind my back, asking other employees questions about when I arrived to work, when I left, etc. My relationship with this place of employment was very similar to that of an abused spouse.

I started that job in 1997, left in 2001, went back in 2002, left in 2003, went back in 2004 and left for good in 2007. I still have horrible nightmares that I have gone back to work there. It was a pseudo-creative job with long stretches of intense oppression and some nice travel. When I did travel, I was usually by myself or with someone that was nothing like me. I was usually lonely and always trying to find a girlfriend/wife. Trying too hard. I had one real relationship in my early adult years that only lasted 2 years, but we lived together and it was really intense. That ended abruptly and also affected my self esteem. It was shortly after that relationship when I started my “relationship” with this job. My way to cope with the stresses of the job and my own perceived inadequacies was to self-medicate. That really set the stage for this show that I’ve been performing for 20 years – a horrible horrible show.

Each time I was sufficiently motivated to really change myself, I was met with a setback. Many people are able to accept those setback and “sally forth”. I was not able to. I cannot even get into it now – because there is just so much – the rabbit hole goes for miles and miles. But, this brings me back to my 40lbs statement.

Sick and Tired of the Self Doubt and Lack of Confidence

I got into radio and that was a rough ride for my self esteem. My first week on the air at Fickle and I got an email from a guy who said I was horrible. I’ve learned to let that kind of stuff go, but I still have an insane desire for people to like me. I am working on that on a daily basis. I still have to deal with the fact that some people only pretend to like me because I work in radio and I can do something for them. Those are the people who don’t respond to my messages when I need something from them. They know who they are – and they are not bothering to read this anyway. But I am done with it! I am 45 and I am setting goals for myself and I don’t give a rat’s ass what people say about me. You have no idea how hard that is for me to write, but it feels good. Thankfully, I have the support of my lovely wife and 3 awesome kids and two cats. That’s all I need to be successful. It has taken me 20 years to grow enough to climb out of that dark well of loneliness and despair. The low dose of medication I am on helps too, but I am focused on dropping that too. I started my positivity blog and podcast so I could live in a positive world – a world of my own creation. A way to climb out of the rabbit hole.

If you would like to join me on the road to success and self-esteem, drop me a line and tell me your story. We can trade inspiring thoughts and quotes. I think we need to surround ourselves with like-minded people ALL THE TIME so we don’t fall back down the well. Lassie isn’t here to save us, Timmy – we have to save ourselves.

Peace and Love, always…

Fitz

I have a belief that going the extra mile will get you an extra 10 miles when it comes to business…or even in life. I have a client who needed some re-records. It was part client changes and part fixes on my end, like pronunciations and an editing oversite. Our contract states that if the changes are at their request, I can charge a re-record fee – but if they are my fault, I can’t. I did the records and editing fixes and sent them back, but was trying to decide if I should invoice them or just let it go. I sought advice from others and got a bit of both sides of it, so I was still stuck. Then the client called back to let me know that there was another round of changes to record – but they were their changes and not mistakes on my part. Win! I could now confidently bill them for the work. But that’s not the point of my little story here.

When the second round came through they were very apologetic about having a round two. They knew it was an inconvenience for me considering my recording schedule was so tight – and I legitimately appreciated their concern for my schedule. I simply told them it was no problem and that I would consider it part of the first round of re-records and for them to not worry one bit. It was no big deal for me to act that way. I know people who would have given them the riot act – seeing it as an opportunity to bill again and go through that process. But I think that doesn’t do you any good for the long-term relationship with your clients.

My client was so happy with my attitude that she was happy to pass along how easy I was to work with to the CEO of the company. That is only good news. Now, I am on the CEO’s radar and that’s good capital. So, I put the quick buck aside and looked at the long-game….and if you’re not thinking that way, you’re doomed….eventually.

Peace and Love, always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com