Author: phonetic

I know what you are thinking!

“Fitz, will you stop with that crap?! I’ll be annoyed if I want to be!” – you

Let me explain…there is no time…let me sum up. Recently, I made friends with a person and we had mutual business needs. It made perfect sense to barter our services because it was win win. That person ended up finding a gig and in the back of my mind I like to believe I was part of that. I was sad that person is no longer involved in my business but at the same time, I met a few others via that person who have been very great contacts! So, sometimes a person moves into your life to move you in a new direction. I think most of the time the direction is positive, but sometimes it can be negative. With that in mind, I’ve only ever experienced positive changes – I will list some examples:

• Toxic people moved themselves out of my life. It was not easy at the time, but it was for the best.
• Mistakes were made in business with people who were not a good match and I was too trusting. But, once I was aware of the situation (and listened to my mastermind group) I was able to move on with a better understanding of the situation and learned a great deal about how to avoid similar situations in the future.
• Past work experiences that set me back years both professionally and personally (emotionally, mentally) all made me who I am today and make me better at what I do. I know how to listen to people, I know how to lead people, I know how to apply ethics to every decision.

These examples are not specific to me, I am sure. YOU probably have experience with one or all of these examples. Granted, they are broad and can apply to many situations in life, but this is why I have to be amazed and not annoyed. 

I could choose to be annoyed that I was taken advantage of or that because of the evils of one person, I am undergoing therapy. But, instead, I am amazed at how life works. I am amazed that life has presented me with lessons to learn from and not events to dismay me.

I have almost an entirely new set of people in my life than I did one year ago and they are much better for me. The positive people, the ones who only lift me up and move me forward are here and will always be here. The new ones are a result of my change of perspective and desire to be on the forward path. I was on a path that did loops -forward for a while, then back around, always repeating. If you find yourself there, stop and sit down and look around and really assess where you are going. I was going nowhere. Now, I am going forward and not looking back. I owe it all to my people.

Peace and Love, always.

Fitz

Excuse me while I blather a bit about regrets. Imagine regrets are a distant land about the size of Northern Uganda – maybe Southern, I’m not sure about the exact geographic scale, but let’s say it’s bigger than your backyard. This land called Regrets has a king, his name is Fitz. He rules with an iron conscience and doesn’t let any of his subjects out. He keeps them there and it makes his country too much to manage, so he often falls apart. OK, I’ll admit that metaphoric scenario was a bit convoluted, but I think you get the picture. My point to all of this is, don’t be King Fitz (I kind of like the sound of that King part).

“Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention”

Old Blue Eyes had it right. Too few to mention is a great goal. I always wondered if I really thought about my regrets, how many of them I could write down.

1. Dropping out of Camp Challenge, Fort Knox Kentucky.
2. Dropping out of New Mexico Military Institute.
3. Experimenting with hallucinogens.
4. Not taking college more seriously.
5. Putting my music “career” before learning.
6. Letting my first boss run my life.
7. Not recognizing my lack of self control.
8. Allowing my self confidence to make my decisions.
9. Allowing self doubt to make my decisions.
10. Allowing my regrets to run my life.

I think these are my top 10. There are a bunch of little ones – mostly based around drunken statements or actions. I’ve remedied that by giving up the sauce – and that has not been an easy road…but I am not doing it alone.

Take it from me, kids: regrets have the power to give you concrete boots and make you swim with the fishes. (They can really bog you down). You need to work through those regrets via therapy or some kind of meditation….something.  I am doing it by writing – by BLATHERING! I think I’ll write out my demons for all the world to read. Writing helps me feel better and maybe one day I can get through my day with no regrets.

Mike Russo passed away. He was a good guy and a talented writer. We worked together on a 72 hour film competition. That is to say, we tried to work together. He had a lot of ideas and we just didn’t jive. Mike had a certain formula for making great 72 hour films, but I wanted to be different. The film we ended up making was great, we won 5th place, but it was a really gruelling process. Mike and I had a conversation after it was all done and I admitted that I should have listened to him. We both laughed about it.

Mike Russo was one of the driving forces in the early days of the Rochester Movie Makers, now the Rochester Association for Film Arts and Sciences. His scripts ended up being the first project for many a local and aspiring filmmaker.

In the summer of 2016, I had Mike on the radio to talk about his need for a kidney. Mike had to call in because he was not well enough to make the trip downtown.

Here is the interview:

I briefly contemplated getting tested to see if I was a match. But, in the end I didn’t do it. I had my reasons and I wonder if they were the right reasons. I am still here and Mike is gone. I got busy – I was always busy.

There are others who knew him better. There are others who can recall many memories with Mike. Most of our correspondence was via Facebook messenger – and I regret that. I should do a better job connecting with people on a personal and more meaningful level. You just never know what can happen. RIP Mike, I wish I knew you better. 

In just about every sport I’ve ever tried, one of the keys to being effective in said sport was having good follow through. In golf, baseball, soccer, track and field and other sports I am in no way qualified to coach, they all required good follow through. 

Recently, I was at a networking event and a bunch of aspiring folks got together to chat about doing voice overs. It’s a great new group here in town and the people who showed up obviously want to work in that field. There were two speakers who are very successful in the biz and shared much wisdom with the audience. I had to leave a bit early because I get up at stupid o’clock and whatnot, so I didn’t catch the very end of their presentations. It seems that they were about to wrap things up as I left, so hopefully I didn’t miss much.

One thing I did miss – or I didn’t hear them talk about was follow through. They talked about microphones, acoustics, websites, SEO and all kinds of other stuff. But they seemed to miss one key factor: follow through. You need the perseverance to ‘sally forth’ when things look bleak, because they will! Starting out as a voice actor later in life (as most of the attendees were) means you most likely have a job, kids, bills, responsibilities…you know, excuses. You can easily get side-tracked, you can easily be dismayed by the outlay of money you will need to start your new side hustle.

The key thing to remember AFTER you’ve set up your booth, microphone, etc. is STAYING POWER! Yeah, not giving up when you have gone 6 months with no gigs. Not using your mic stand as a laundry rack. Not following through with getting that website updated or demo produced.

I won’t drone on and on with examples of what you should or should not do – except to say that you have to stick with it with a laser focus. Don’t be deterred, don’t lose sight of the prize.

Also, come by ROC Vox and we can help.

Peace and Love, always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com

Tuesday was a crazy day. I had to shoot video, record voice overs, record a radio show, make dinner and then get over to Geva Theatre and see Thurgood. One of my favorite perks of this radio job is that I get to see all the shows. I brought my 15 year old son, Shaun. I figured he should see a play about Thurgood Marshall, the first African American to sit on the Supreme Court. I’m a bit of a history buff and casual wonk, so I was interested as well. I knew that name, Thurgood. I thought I knew why I knew that name, but I really didn’t know anything.

Lester Purry delivers a captivating performance as Thurgood Marshall. I went into this play not knowing anything about it. I didn’t know it was a cast of one. i didn’t know it would be a guy on stage talking to the audience the entire time. Well, it really was a whole lot more than that. 

First of all, we get serious insight into Thurgood Marshall, the man. By the end of the first act, you feel like he’s a kindly old man you met on the train who had amazing stories of his life to share. I think we’ve all been in that situation, where a person keeps yapping and yapping about this or that and we couldn’t care less. This was NOT one of those times. Learning about the 14th amendment to the Constitution was something I had not intended. Plessy v Ferguson and Brown v Board of Education both ring a bell from my school days, but I had forgotten why.

It is important to remember these legal precedents. It’s just as relevant today as it was back then. I would argue it is even more relevant today, because we’ve come a long way as a society, but not far enough.

Thurgood Marshall was a smart and fair man who brought a new perspective and set of experiences to the Supreme Court and he was there at the right time. I only wish he was still there.

My son and I were mesmerized the entire time. I made the perfect dad joke after the curtain call. “Thurgood was ThurGreat!” Yes, he gave me the 15 year old eye roll too…

I am trying to get back on my correct path. Which path are you referring to, Fitz? Well, whichever path is the correct one for you. That path will be easy – effortless. You won’t have worries on that path. Your correct path won’t even seem like a path that you follow, rather it will seem to be correcting itself as you go forward – as though it was always going that way. You won’t necessarily be able to see where the path leads, but every time you make a turn, you’re still on the path.

I am not saying that it is impossible to stray from the path – it most certainly is possible. But, deep down you will know – through some form of instinct, that your decision will lead you off the path. You may choose to ignore those inner warning, but I hope you don’t. I have chosen to ignore my inner most warning signs.

What happened? I veered off the path. I KNEW I had veered off the path and it has always been in my power to hop back on – but I didn’t. Why? I cannot pretend to know the answer except to say, perhaps, I was too scared. I had been on the wrong path for so long that I think I was confused as to where my path really was. I forgot that my path was effortless and joyful, not riddled with doubt and fear. I forgot these things and I decided to remember them. Honest writing shows me the path and once again it is up to me to allow the path to lead me out of the muck and the mire. My path leads through groups of amazing people who are strong and positive and caring. Where does your path take you?

I have to be honest with you – I’ve been off for a while – probably a month. I can trace it back to a certain event that happened and it has made my life more of a challenge. If you’re reading this and we’ve worked together, you might have noticed something odd in my behavior. You might not have noticed it though, because I am pretty good at hiding it. I’ve been to therapy and I thought I was getting better, but it has gotten worse. Add to that, there are people in my life who claim to like and respect me, yet time and time again I am simply an afterthought in their lives. I mean, that’s fine – I can be an afterthought, just don’t pretend I am more important to you than I really am. Often times it is because I have something they want – usually one of my skills. I am always happy to help people, I just need there to be a bit of gratitude.

So, I am not depressed. I’ve been depressed before and I know this is not as dark as that was. When I was depressed, I could not get anything done…taking a shower or making a sandwich was a real trial…let alone taking care of other humans. No, I am not there – I am actually doing rather well. My business is growing at a nice pace. It’s probably more consistent than growing, but the growth potential is there and we are tapping into it. No, but there is an inner sadness that I am trying to find so I can stamp it out. I wear my heart on my sleeve – so I’m not great at hiding that sadness. However, I really think this sadness comes from without rather than within – if I think about it. Confused? yeah, me too.

I take a daily med for depression or anxiety or something. It’s the lowest dose possible and sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stopped taking it. I don’t know and I kind of don’t want to. It is a variable I should not explore.

For one reason or another, I had a Medium in the studio last week and I mentioned what happened to her. She got messages from the deceased, who expressed his regrets. That he didn’t think it through and it was a spur of the moment action. When she was in the booth, the lights went out, but only the lights. The power itself remained on. Then, the lights came back and my computer monitors flashed. I got the chills.

I don’t know what I am doing and yet I do. Maybe it’s because my life is governed by a flimsy schedule based on audio that comes in from clients with quick turnarounds. Maybe. Maybe because we’ve not had one podcast customer yet I’ve done a lot of podcasts and I am stressed. Maybe it is the business debt that, if I received all of my accounts receivable today, I could pay off. But the money trickles in.

Today was a true Blatheri ng, but at least now I know that I have some issues I need to address.

Have you ever felt this way? Sometimes it feels like you’re really trying to make it to the weekend – only the weekends are packed with things you don’t really want to do or didn’t have time to do. Do you remember back when you used to read for hours and hours? I do – and I know why I am struggling lately.  This struggle is over a myriad feelings and issues that I have in my head and in my view each and every day. Messy things, unfinished business, poor sleep, lack of motivation for the mundane duties of life. In my attempts to build a positive world around me, I have started to feel like I am slave to that goal. It’s silly, actually. I’m creating my own world and then I get all stressed out about it like I can’t control it!

Gotta Do What I’ve Gotta Do

Sadly, things will improve when the kids go back to school. As much as I love them, they kind of make a mess of everything. We’re going camping this weekend so it will be a nice end to the summer. Then, we will spend the Labor Day holiday getting things squared away – so we can get back to a routine that is more structured.

So – that being said, I am not going to force myself to blather each day or podcast either. When I have guests scheduled, I will post that episode and if something really inspires me to blather on the mic, I’ll do it…but I no longer feel obligated. I kind of unofficially stated that my blog and podcast was a daily thing. I’ll make it based on inspiration and not on any requirements. I view this as all in the process of getting to where I want to be. I want to get to where being positive is not a struggle. I have some very good days and I know that my overall outlook has improved. Last week’s trauma was a lot to handle and I am dealing with it.

This blathering helped. I needed to get that out. If you read to the end, I think you’re a very special person.

Peace and Love, Always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com

I posted a status on Facebook last night while I was waiting for my son to finished golf camp. The post was about how I am grateful for the people who blew me off and couldn’t be bothered to respond to my correspondence. This post caused some folks to reach out to me thinking something was wrong. It might have been how I worded it – but I was really surprised and appreciative of the response. I went back and edited it so that it seemed less dire! But I really felt the need to express my gratitude for the idea of unanswered prayers. There is a Garth Brooks song about it and it is pretty spot on. 

The concept is that what you THINK you want really bad at the time might not be right for you in the long run, so if it doesn’t happen, it is upsetting at first but when it all plays out, you’ll look back and say “ha, thank God THAT didn’t happen!” Even recently, there are people in my network who have ghosted me or never bother to respond to messages. It used to piss me off, frankly. But now I understand why it is happening. Right now it is not meant for me to work with this person. One day, perhaps that person will decide to reach out. Maybe he or she will apologize for those actions. Maybe not.

I have learned that what I thought I wanted all those times – those jobs applied to, those people I reached out to – didn’t happen because I was not supposed to go that way – that was not my path.

So I am thankful for the unanswered prayers. I would not have ROC Vox – I would not have a lot of the things I really enjoy now.  There is a peace of mind that comes with this realization and I hop you can find it. When something doesn’t work out for you, try and think about the road it would have lead you down and understand that there is a different road you are supposed to be on.

Peace and Love, Always…

Fitz

www.rocvox.com

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